“What’s black and blue and dead all over….”
I’ll give you a hint… it isn’t a newspaper.
As the Riddler coerced Robert Pattinson’s Batman through a series of masterfully written puzzles that ultimately revealed the villain’s dark plan to destroy the city of Gotham, I watched on for three hours with a mix of awe, delight, and fear.
As someone who is fairly unfamiliar with DC Comics’ books and movies, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Honestly, I really only went to see the film because of the greatness of the chemistry rumored to be between Pattinson and Zoë Kravitz’s Catwoman. Overall, however, I walked away with many thoughts about the state of society, a new appreciation for the famous characters, and a sore back.
I’ve decided to review the movie based on six categories: plot, cast, soundtrack, characters, effects, and visuals. Each category received a score out of 10, leaving 60 points in total to be earned. Then, I added and deducted points for other aspects of the film, as I saw fit. Does this system of ranking mean anything? Not really. Did I have fun making it? Yes.
And be warned, there are spoilers ahead.
Without further ado, here is my numerical review of The Batman.
Plot: 5/10
This movie was long, and it felt long. Although I could follow along with the series of murders and riddles, who hated whom and who was being targeted, each scene could have been at least three minutes shorter.
Don’t get me wrong, the action was wicked cool. I particularly enjoyed every scene in the Iceberg Lounge–a fancy nightclub that housed many nefarious beings. However, there were a few scenes that dragged on for several minutes, only for a smidgen of information to be revealed at the end. In fact, I went to the bathroom for a good seven minutes during a scene that involved a hostage and a bomb, and when I returned, no progress had been made–with the movie plot at least, I had answered several business emails. Even one of the best scenes–a car chase with Colin Farrell’s The Penguin–seemed to last an eternity.
Compared to the twists and turns of the first three-quarters of the film, the final battle was a bit anticlimactic. The movie was doing such a good job of establishing itself as “different” than other superhero stories that the Riddler’s “master plan” felt too cliche. I found myself wondering how I went from always second-guessing the story, to knowing exactly what was going to happen next.
Overall, the plot was solid for the majority of the movie and is sure to be developed in a potential sequel.
Cast: 9/10
This movie’s star-studded cast is the main reason I even went to the cinema at all. The ensemble wowed me, and the acting drew me right into the story. Everyone knew that Robert Pattinson would be perfect for the role of Bruce Wayne with his broody, unhinged personality, but I was especially impressed with Zoë Kravitz’s Catwoman–portrayed as a strong and independent woman who could handle the situation and save the hero.
Colin Farrell was nearly unrecognizable as The Penguin, but quickly became one of my favorite characters. Frankly, I knew he wasn’t the “rat.” And, police officer James Gordon was an essential piece to the story, depicted perfectly by Jeffrey Wright.
Other standout performances included the incomparable Andy Serkis who, despite limited screen time, stole my heart as Alfred, Batman’s loyal butler and father figure. John Turturro was a fantastic Carmine Falcone, and Paul Dano’s Riddler was intensely unsettling. I especially enjoyed the appearances of the Carver brothers–known for their roles as werewolves on the hit television series Teen Wolf–as The Twins. The battles between former werewolf and vampire actors in this movie were a little Easter egg for devout fans.
Soundtrack: 10/10
In my opinion, music is one of the most important elements of film, and The Batman did not disappoint, quickly becoming one of my favorite soundtracks this year. The Batman Theme is repetitive, but never tiring. Those four beats and two notes, usually surrounded by a melody of string or the sound of church bells, dug deep into my soul.
Another theme played, dramatically, a couple times is Nirvana’s “Something In The Way,” and although it quickly became a meme on TikTok, we can’t ignore that this song is a certified bop.
This soundtrack is perfect for dark and rainy days, when you’re out driving and ready to fight some evil.
Characters: 8/10
At least one good thing came out of the movie’s incredibly long length: character development. Each character, even the minor roles, had well-thought-out character arcs that made sense, and left me with many thoughts and ideas swirling around in my brain.
Bruce Wayne starts the film as a reclusive billionaire who seeks to protect the citizens of Gotham while lurking in the shadows with his signature catchphrase “I am Vengeance,” spurred by the murder of this parents. Along the way, he learns about the mistakes of his father and eventually realizes (after his catchphrase is continuously used against him) that violence and vengeance are not the answer, rather inspiring hope within the people.
After her roommate and implied lover is murdered, Selina Kyle (Catwoman) desires revenge, planning to kill Falcone (later revealed to be her father). When she is stopped by Bruce, he convinces her that she does not want this blood on her hands. Kravitz depicts the traditional femme fatale role as more than just a sexy accomplice, rather a woman who can fight and make her own decisions. She eventually decides that Gotham is beyond saving, leaving with her cats on a motorcycle after the final fight. Although I wish the relationship between Bruce and Selina had been developed a bit further, I know there is plenty of room for a romance in potential sequels.
I do, however, wish that James Gordon, a lieutenant officer with the Gotham City Police Department, had a bit more development. I’ve heard that the role of this character was bigger in this adaptation than others, but I would like to see a bit more of him, especially his reaction if he ever finds out that his friend Batman is, in fact, Bruce Wayne.
The villains definitely deserve a shout out; I was actually sad to see some of them die. The Riddler had me absolutely chilled to the bone, both when we knew his identity, and when he was an anonymous masked figure. And, in a quick cameo appearance, Barry Keoghan’s Joker was absolutely terrifying. I’m not sure I could handle seeing a full-length film with that character as the lead.
This take on classic characters was absolutely stunning, and I am excited to see how they all progress in the future.
Effects: 6/10
The effects in this movie were decent–not too over-the-top and not too underwhelming. The CGI was pretty good, but I did notice that it was always raining. I know that it’s supposed to create a dark ambiance, but it was a bit distracting. The sets, especially inside the Iceberg Lounge, were really cool, and the car chase scene was, by far, the best action sequence.
My biggest wish is that they had used and developed more of Batman’s superhero gadgets. The whole point of the character, to me, is that he isn’t a superhuman, rather he uses his brains and money to make helpful, and extremely cool, tools to use. Although we did get video-recording contact lenses, the batmobile, and a strength-inducing serum, it felt as though the gadgets were an afterthought, thrown in during the final fight scene. I am looking forward to seeing more technology and devices in future movies.
Visuals: 9/10
The cinematography of this movie was absolutely stunning. The image of an upside-down Batman walking away from an explosion with his cape flowing out behind him was clearly the money-shot. The use of lighting was interesting, and every moment was visually pleasing to watch. There were many shots that sure made the fan-editors go wild. I have no complaints on this front.
ADDITIONS/DEDUCTIONS:
Here are some out-of-context bonus points and deductions that I feel are essential to my scoring:
-3 points for the three-hour length
+3 points for each of Kravitz’s cats
-7 points for the seven minutes I went to the bathroom
+1 point for Pattinson saying “I am Vengeance”
-1 point for hurting Alfred
+3 points for the question mark in the latte
-1 point for Barry Keoghan’s Joker being a little too scary
+5 points for the memes
My score totals to 47/60, or 78.33%. I have absolutely nothing to compare this to, but I would say that it’s a decent score. If you love superheroes, Robert Pattinson, an incredible soundtrack, and some good riddles, I would highly recommend that you watch The Batman.
In full Riddler spirit, I’ll leave you with a riddle to ponder from my favorite book: J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit:
“It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills.
It comes out first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laughter.”
Answer: P3:L2:W3