In all honesty, I still am coming to terms with how to deal with my people-pleasing tendencies. But I am still working on some of the realizations that come to light once there has been an overload of trying to make everyone happy. I think it’s very important to be aware of when this type of being starts to take over your life and starts to bleed into all aspects of one’s mental health. I started to realize that I needed to start becoming aware of this behavior and shift some things in my life so I could handle all the new opportunities that landed on my plate. For those who may need clarification or reassurance on what to work on when it comes to people-pleasing, the following is for you.
It’s okay to say no.
I know it’s extremely hard to say no sometimes, especially when the person who is asking is someone who you extremely care about. These people could be family members, a partner, a friend of some kind, or someone who holds some influence in your life. But sometimes their favors or questions can be too much to throw on your plate. You should never have to sacrifice your own well-being and happiness for the small favor of another person. I do understand that sometimes there are huge and important favors that can call for the sacrifice of happiness, but if it’s asking too much of your own capabilities, there must be some boundaries set into a place where happiness and health can be balanced together. But what happens when someone isn’t happy with your choice or polite refusal?
sometimes, You must be the villain in a story or situation.
One of the most important realizations I’ve had recently is that you can’t always be seen as the positive or respected party in a variety of situations. On one note, you should always be respected for the boundaries you set down, but the person who feels hurt by your laid-down boundaries may paint your refusal or boundary in a negative light. Despite having the need to constantly try and fix a problem that stems from miscommunication or not fully understanding your position, sometimes it’s best to just let things take their path. Questions never hurt to understand the reasons behind saying no or gaining understanding from one’s perspective. But not everyone is going to want to know the real reasons or try to understand where you’re coming from. It is a huge aspect to understand when it comes to others’ own limits that not everything can work out the way that is originally wanted.
Sometimes you must put yourself first.
A lot of the time, an individual who wants to make everyone happy ends up taking too much on their plate. That can be overwhelming plans with family, a job where a boss asks you too much responsibility for what a single worker can do, or even all the overlap of academic responsibilities. Every aspect of life demands some sort of time commitment. Whether that be a fun thing or a serious devotion, your own happiness is supposed to come first. There may be someone in your life that continuously asks for help on things that are impossible for you or even an acquaintance that does more harm than being a beneficial influence on your life. This doesn’t mean that any interaction with these individuals or settings must be uncomfortable. But there is a point where you stop trying to make things work or try to make these other people happy if it calls for the sacrifice of your own happiness.
You must pick and choose what you can healthily handle.
Obviously, no one wants to willingly sacrifice their happiness, but it’s easy to do so when it’s a subconscious reaction to other people’s needs and wants. Especially when you know that you can easily help, but what if there are multiple things that add up on your plate. No offense to anyone out there, but it’s nearly impossible to successfully and healthily be able to do everything all at once. Things take time, and not even Wonder Woman could handle all of that at one time. Opportunities will come and go in one’s life, there’s no need to take on too much and drown in it.
People can and will push your limits.
There’s a sad reality when others realize how much you’re willing to get along and help others in any way, shape, or form. Maybe it’s intentional or unintentional, but some people tend to take advantage of People pleasers’ tendency to want to go to the furthest depths to help. In all honesty, I think there’s a misconstrued view of those who are people pleasers. Those particular people don’t go out of their way to be helpful because they want special treatment but instead just enjoy being able to make other people happy. This can easily backfire on them, and it’s something that they need to be able to recognize. Especially being able to recognize when someone needs help or is simply just using the person instead.
It can be very frustrating when you are aware of all these consequences of the need to please others. Your frustration with helping others is understandable, but there comes a time when this drive needs to be let go. Especially before your own happiness and health are drowned under the stress of other people’s needs and wants.