Hello fellas, it’s almost Valentine’s Day, and if you’re looking for a hot date, let me help you get one. As a woman, I have been on many dates with men, and quite frankly, there is a lot of room for improvement on your side of the table. Through my experience, I want to enlighten you on a few things that will change your dating game, ultimately leading you to have better connections within your relationships.
Asking Her Out
Let’s start simple: Asking a woman out. Don’t let the dating apps on your phone sell you short. In my opinion, if you are looking for a serious relationship, you should avoid doing it through a dating app. However, I do know couples in my life who are in it for the long run and met on dating apps like Hinge or Bumble. On a different note, I do know that dating apps can be extremely harmful to the confidence levels of men and women and in my personal opinion, they can sell you short when it comes to dating in real life.
Believe in yourself — with the right amount of confidence, you can approach any attractive woman in public and ask her out yourself. As humans, we are all fearful of rejection, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and when you can approach a woman in the real world rather than through your phone, she will instantly have more respect for you than if you slid into her DMs.
Approaching a woman in the wild
If you’re stuck on where to start when it comes to approaching a woman, let’s start with some simple real-life examples. Let’s say you’re at a coffee shop and you notice this beautiful woman sitting by herself and working on her laptop. First of all, make some mental notes where you can create conversation. Does she have stickers on her laptop? Is she drinking coffee or tea? Does she have a cute outfit on? These are all great talking points to start your conversation in any given circumstance. When at a coffee shop, or on the bus, I would try to get her attention first in case she has some earbuds in, just to make sure she is fully engaged in what you are saying. Then, maybe tell her that you noticed her outfit, and admire her style. Maybe tell her the color of her sweater is a very pretty shade of green. She will instantly be flattered and at least carry on the conversation for a few seconds after you approach her, and then it will lead you in to introduce yourself and open up to asking her out.
Using this approach of focusing the conversation on her is a great way to show her that you noticed her. However, you didn’t just notice her, but her style, her taste, her charisma. Maybe you are at a bookstore and run into an attractive woman. Maybe tell her you struggle to find good books and ask her about her favorite genre or if she has recommendations. Not only will asking her about herself flatter her, but it will show that you have a genuine interest in finding out who she is as a person, and are not just taken by her looks. This makes her respect you, and it makes you look like a gentleman. In relationships, women are looking for more than just a connection based on lust and attractiveness, so show her that you value who she is right off the bat.
confidence
One of the most important components of catching a woman’s attention starts at the basis of a man’s confidence. Reaching out first is a good start, but taking the extra step to connect with a woman will make it even more apparent that you are serious and it will make you more attractive. In society, women are used to bending over backward for her to be considered, so she doesn’t want to fight for her consideration in a relationship. Being confident and showing her that she caught your attention is a great start to prove that you noticed her and are interested in putting in the effort in the future. Having this confidence will also prove that you are not fearful of rejection and attain security, which will be refreshing to her.
However, even though confidence is important when you want to catch her attention, entitlement and confidence are mutually exclusive. When a man is entitled, he will try to approach a woman with the assumption that she will put him on a pedestal with open arms. A woman who is strong on her own will not be amused by this act and will ultimately cross you off of her list. There’s nothing more unattractive than when a man approaches a woman, just to prove something to himself. When a man is insecure about himself, he will try to prove this by showcasing himself to women, however, a strong woman will see his masked insecurity and quickly run away. If you feel the need to showcase yourself to every attractive woman you encounter to try and win her affection, you may want to explore that with a therapist before entering the already awful dating pool.
Actions, Not words
When men are asking someone out for the first time, I’ve noticed there are a few consistent patterns. I would say about 75% of the time, when a man says he will take you out, he never will. Even if he is serious about starting a relationship with you, out of laziness, he will make excuse after excuse or even ghost you on the day you had plans. If things come up, if plans change, and if you apologize, a woman will always be understanding. However, if no further actions are taken to prove that you are still interested and willing to put in the effort, a woman will always be skeptical.
A woman hates nothing more than wasting her time, so show her that you are mature enough to consider that. Have you ever been to a wedding? Usually, the bride will say something in her vows about Chad, who ‘swept’ her off her feet six years ago. Women don’t want another man who makes false promises; we want a man to prove he has what it takes to show up and show out. Women get asked out by many men all the time — if you want to keep her interested, you have to show out your competitors by actually taking her out on a date (shocker!). If you only speak of going out, but never take the action to do so, someone else will, and she will not waste her time waiting for you.
Effort
There’s a reason why women love this phenomenon of men having the emotional maturity to consider someone else over themselves; it’s because your girlfriend doesn’t want to be your mom, she wants to be your lover. Remember when your mom constantly nagged at you to clean your room? Wasn’t it annoying? Well, when your girlfriend has to beg you to take her out, or buy her flowers, or beg you to ask her to be your Valentine, she will assume that you have the emotional maturity of a child. Not only will this leave your woman feeling defeated, but it will also leave her wondering if she could be getting better from someone else — because she can.
A woman wants her man to put in just as much effort as she does, she doesn’t want to take the role of your babysitter — she wants to be your partner. Keep this in mind: every time I benefit, does she also benefit in the same ways? How can I make my woman feel special every day? What are things I can do to make my girlfriend my lover and not my mom? If you lack the motivation to put an equal amount of effort into a relationship, I would reconsider getting into one or staying in one anytime soon.
In conclusion
As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to take a moment to think about the type of man you want to be, not just for a date, but for a meaningful relationship. It’s more than just asking a woman out or buying her flowers once every year. It’s all about your consistency to show up, and your ability to be emotionally mature.
Try to step out of your shell this season and maybe ask someone out or take your relationship to the next level. Show her you’re the kind of man who will not only sweep her off her feet, but also keep her grounded in a strong, supportive, and meaningful connection. Good luck, and may you find the confidence to make the most of your dating opportunities this year.