With the semester coming to an end, it also means that my sophomore year of college is wrapping up. For the past few weeks, the thoughts of time passing have been creeping in between the final projects and papers. I think back to 16-year-old me and I wonder if she ever would’ve thought I would be here today.
This time four years ago, was during the peak of COVID-19. I remember I was sitting in my biology class in March when the announcement of an extended spring break happened. Somehow May approached and everyone was adapting to the new reality of online school, masks, and social distancing. However the thing I remember the most was being excited that my sophomore year of high school was coming to an end. It meant I was one more year closer to getting out of high school and becoming a real adult.
I am unable to say the same thing today.
Today, I wish I was able to stop time. I don’t want my favorite seniors to leave and graduate. I don’t want to worry about trying to find an internship or research opportunity. I don’t want to believe that I only have three semesters of college left. I don’t want to accept that I won’t live in a girly apartment in a few short months and I won’t get to have impulse baking nights with my current roommates. I don’t want to accept the fact that I’m growing up.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been wondering where all the time has gone. This was the first year of my life where I was almost completely dependent on myself. I paid rent, went grocery shopping and cooked meals for myself. I’ve had the opportunity to work alongside some amazing people in my classes and at Her Campus. I’ve laughed and cried and had my heart broken and healed day after day, time after time.
I’ve achieved so much more than I thought I would going into this year. I’ve won my business class competition and am going to compete in the finals this upcoming Friday. I’ve gotten the honor of becoming co- Editor-in-Chief for Boulder’s Her Campus chapter. I’ve made lifelong friends and got to experience spring break with them, something 16-year-old me never thought would happen. I’ve figured out what I want to do with my career, and in the meantime, I’m learning how to DJ. I’ve learned how to be more vulnerable with those who are closest to me, and I’m starting to heal my relationship with my family. I’m also learning how to be less afraid, to do things alone and to do it scared, even if it means feeling like I’m going to crap my pants.
This year has been a year full of growth, adventure, and finding myself. Although I didn’t have a very enjoyable first semester, I learned so much about myself, my values, and my interests. Despite being excited about what the future holds, I can’t help but feel sad about how fast everything seems to be slipping through my fingers. I want so desperately to be able to hold onto these feelings and these moments I hold so dear to me, but I know the future holds just as many amazing things that I can’t wait to experience.