I recently got out of a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend of almost three years. We both ended things on super good terms and decided that it would be best for both of us to separate and grow individually. We had been so focused on fixing our relationship when really, we needed to fix ourselves. Everyone has immaturities, and it can take a toll on even the best of relationships. We went back and forth for so long on “taking breaks” and “strictly being best friends,” but these things don’t really improve anything and only led to hook-ups that we regret the next day. The breakup is still fresh and trying to stay positive is not easy in the slightest. However, I’ve brainstormed some positive coping strategies that can allow you to come out of any sort of breakup stronger, happier and more confident.
It’s Okay to Be Sad
I know we’ve all heard the phrase “It’s okay, to not be okay.” While that sounds completely cliché and makes me want to throw up, it really does carry some weight. When you’ve ended a friendship with a close friend or boyfriend, it is more than okay to have days where you don’t feel yourself. Someone who was extremely important to you is no longer a central part of your life. Don’t force yourself to put on a brave face and prove to everyone that you’re fine and unaffected. This will only damage your self-esteem and lead you to feel much worse later down the line. When these days come up, play some classic Taylor Swift breakup songs, buy yourself some reasonably priced chocolates and keep doing you girl.
Invest Your Time in Positivity
When breakups hit, they hit hard. Many of us can, and probably will, be tempted to cope with drugs, alcohol or “are you up?” texts that can certainly lead us down a destructive path. If ever you feel this urge, try your best to fill your time with hobbies and activities that can help your mental state rather than harm it. Getting sloshed at a party this weekend or hooking up “just one more time” when you feel lonely can numb the pain, but these choices are going to hurt you later down the line. I’ve compiled a list of other activities, adventures and hobbies that will genuinely help your mental state, instead of harm it.
- Any kind of exercise whether that be yoga, going to the gym, taking a kickboxing class, joining an intermural volleyball team – you name it! The list is endless.
- Be adventurous! Go study outside (if weather permits), go on a hike, rent a snowboard for a day, take a day trip to your closest big city or find a local concert.
- Buy a coloring book. This is such a good way to relax and destress. Listen to your favorite playlist and color for an hour. No artistic talent needed.
- Spend more time with your friends! Have a girl’s night and watch your favorite Netflix show, go on girl dates, plan study sessions together. Surrounding yourself with other positive, strong women can be extremely helpful.
Get Really Good at School
I know this sounds lame, but, breakups leave you with a lot of extra time on your hands since you’re no longer spending a ton of time with your ex-friend/boyfriend. Why not spend this time doing a little extra studying or putting more effort into assignments that you’d usually blow off? This is a really positive way to make yourself busy and spend less time wondering whether or not you should ask them to come over “just one more time”. Go get that degree and leave that ex-distraction in the distant past. Creating your own success starts with investing more time and effort into your classes.
Learn to have Your Own Back
I came upon the realization that a lot of couples are extremely co-dependent of one another. At least I and my ex-boyfriend were. The person you’re dating is usually the person you turn to when you’re feeling lonely, upset or unconfident. They’re the one you’re always hanging out with whether that be lazy Saturdays watching movies, spending time with each other’s families or going out on dates. If that relationship ends, you realize just how much you relied on this person to get you through life. However, now you have the opportunity to give yourself that extra boost of confidence or positivity without expecting someone else to fix your imperfections. You can learn how to be a full and completely content person on your own without having to seek that from someone else, and that is one of the most powerful things a beautiful lady like yourself can do.
All of these tips for overcoming tough breakups are not simple in the slightest. There will be days when you slip up, really miss your ex or just want to lay in bed all day, and that’s totally okay! Be patient with yourself, love yourself, grow yourself and try again the next day. We are all strong young women who can come out of any breakup stronger and full of more self-love.