Many women have gone through an “I hate pink” phase at one point or another. For me, this phase started in seventh grade. Although it was short-lived, this time is part of my childhood that I’ve found myself reflecting on the most in recent years. I started wondering why I was so against pink and all things girly during this part of my life. Upon some research, I realized that much of my disdain for traditionally feminine things stemmed from the media I was consuming and the people around me who further perpetuated those ideas. This led me to discover the concept of demonized femininity, a phenomenon where feminine things are framed as inherently negative or devalued in society. This demonization leads to women pushing away anything associated with femininity (shopping, pop music, pink, makeup, etc.).
Media as a Catalyst
Along with most things in society, media plays a significant role in molding perceptions of self-worth and how we value aspects of our personalities. Movies and TV shows, especially, impact how we perceive ourselves. One textbook example is the stereotypical “mean girl” who wears pink, only cares about her looks, is usually portrayed as unintelligent, and picks on the “tomboyish” protagonist. The most obvious example is Regina George from “Mean Girls,” but many other examples perpetuate this idea. With each of these traits being connected to the antagonist, we naturally associate their characteristics with being negative, even if the characteristics themselves aren’t.
Another example is when the opposite occurs, where women in a story can only be intelligent or skilled in masculine activities if they reject their femininity. They seemingly cannot be feminine, intelligent, and just overall powerhouses all at once. This further contributes to the need some of us have to distance ourselves from femininity. Feminine people, especially women, often can’t lead armies, research teams, or be smart without surrendering some aspects of femininity. Many of the traits society finds valuable are attributed to non-feminine people, so why would we want to be like the ones who are feminine? Although this isn’t always the case, the prevalence can’t be ignored.
Femininity is also often used as a tool for the “evil seductress” character to use as a means of getting what she wants, contributing to femininity being an evil concept for evil women to use. In the same vein, when women in media want a boy to like them, they get some kind of makeover to make them more feminine. Although this isn’t inherently negative, things like wearing makeup and enjoying girly things become associated with trying too hard or being inauthentic. I believe part of this leads to the “I’m not like other girls” trope, where girls try to distance themselves from other women to not be judged by men and other people in society.
To learn more about how media demonizes femininity, check out this video by Shanspeare!
How These Views in Media Translate to Society
Now that we’ve identified these issues, how do they translate to society? The connections aren’t always as obvious as we may think. Since women are often mocked for their participation in femininity in media, we see traditionally feminine traits and interests as less valuable or outright negative. Although they’re inherently harmless, their association with femininity changes how we view them. Femininity in media is often associated with a lack of intelligence (e.g., dumb characters being hyper-feminine), so we reject feminine things to avoid being labeled unintelligent. Not to mention, practicing femininity is conflated with being labeled a “slut,” so women are less likely to practice it or certain aspects of it. Since these traits — having unproductive hobbies, being unintelligent, being promiscuous, and many others — are conflated with femininity, we tend to push away femininity altogether.
Overall, femininity is seen as a deviation from society’s standard, masculine-focused lens, so we are more likely to reject it. French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir confronts this in her book “The Second Sex” by claiming that society views women (and anyone who presents femininely) as ‘the other’ in relation to men and masculine people in society. If we take these “I hate pink” phases as a means of avoiding alienation and being ill-conceived, then it’s easy to see why we have them. Unfortunately, much of demonized femininity is internalized, and we don’t realize what’s happening until we take time to reflect.
How We Can Grow Out of This Perspective
Although thinking about this concept may seem daunting, there are ways to combat it in our day-to-day lives. We can start by recognizing that how you practice femininity or being a woman, in general, is not constrained to what society wants or expects from you. Femininity is a concept, not a set of rules. So, instead of changing to distance yourself from femininity, try to connect with whatever makes you happy. There shouldn’t be a feeling of shame in enjoying feminine activities. Instead, embrace them along with anything you enjoy. We can also recognize that femininity itself isn’t bad; we were just taught to associate negative things with it. With time, this association can be worked through and eventually overcome.
Much of life is about learning, unlearning, and deciding what to do with our knowledge. Hopefully, this article sheds some light on a feeling that women and feminine presenting individuals often can’t place.