Most people who go to college usually have what we call “hometown” friends. These are the people we grew up with, shared early memories with, and navigated the highs and lows of high school drama together. We met them through school, sports, or activities our parents signed us up for. For some of us, we’ve known them so long that we don’t even remember how we became friends in the first place, or how hard it was to make friends back then.
But things change when you get to college. At least, they did for me. I realized I hadn’t had to make new friends in years, or at least, I hadn’t been forced to put effort into it. I think a lot of college students feel this way. It’s part of why we get so homesick those first few weeks. Everyone knows this feeling, but what doesn’t get talked about as much is how different the friendships you make in college are from the ones you had back home. Why? Because we’re older!
Hometown Friendships
Going to college means growing up in a lot of ways. You’re exposed to new perspectives, living on your own, and dealing with more adult responsibilities, all of which change how your friendships look and who they’re with. I remember going home for the first time after a few months of college and hanging out with my hometown friends again. It was exciting, but also a little weird. I realized that we had all grown into different people, and the friends I had in Colorado were now very different from the ones back home.
The key is that you have to accept it. More importantly, you have to accept your friends as they are now. After three years of maintaining strong bonds with my hometown friends, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that it’s all about accepting who you and your friends have become and adapting to that. Because of that, I’ve had the pleasure of watching these girls grow into amazing adults. College and distance will bring new challenges, there will be hurdles, and sometimes you might lose people along the way, and that’s okay. Just remember that everyone is changing and just because someone changes differently from you doesn’t mean they changed the wrong way.
College Friendships
Out with the old, in with the new. Making friends when you first get to college is tough. You meet people from different backgrounds with different ideas from your own. Honestly, that’s part of what college is all about. For me, it was hard because I grew up in my own little bubble and got comfortable with the way things were. College friends shake that up. But learning to navigate friendships with people who are different from you is such an important part of growing up. This is the real world, this is adulthood, and this is how you’ll need to approach friendships going forward. Chances are, you won’t be making friends with people who grew up with you. Going through the challenge of constantly making new friends now will only help you later in life.
Navigating Through It
So how do you make new friends? How do you adapt and change? Well, sorry to say, but there’s no single right answer. You just have to go through it and figure out what works for you. The good news is everyone else is going through it too. You might feel awkward, out of place, or unsure, but trust me, everyone else does as well. Honestly, I feel like this all the time! What surprised me most was learning that the people I thought saw me as awkward ended up becoming my friends. While there’s no perfect solution, here are a few things I’ve learned along the way.
Be yourself! I know, I know, people say this all the time. But what does it really mean? It’s not just about letting your “freak flag fly” (although that’s always encouraged). It means making choices that are true to you. Ask yourself: Is this what you want to do? Does this align with your values? How will it affect you in the long run? Most importantly, do you truly want it? Your answers to these questions might change over time, and that’s part of being yourself too. Don’t cling to old choices or ideas if they no longer fit. Grow, adapt, and embrace who you’re becoming. That’s how you’ll find friends who fit your future.
Treat yourself with kindness. Don’t beat yourself up over little things. My mom once told me, “If you treat yourself badly, you become your own abuser.” I don’t think anyone wants that. Would you say the harsh things you think about yourself to someone else? Probably not. So why say them to yourself? The kinder you are to yourself, the kinder you’ll be to others, and that will attract people to you.
Choose wisely. While we grew up hearing about inclusivity and loving everyone, there’s truth in being selective about who you let into your inner circle. It’s important to treat everyone with respect, but when it comes to close friendships, be thoughtful. The people you surround yourself with will influence your actions and affect how you see yourself. This doesn’t have to mean surrounding yourself with stereotypically “good” people. It’s about choosing friends who make you happier, healthier, and truer to who you are, or who you want to be.
Losing Friends
One of the hardest parts of growing up and going to college is losing friends, sometimes a lot of them. As you get older and experience more, you’ll go through a lot of change, and with change comes loss. It’s normal to lose friends, whether from your past or even relatively new ones. Everyone is changing, and it’s just part of life.
The key is learning to let go. Sometimes, you grow apart from people, and sometimes, really difficult situations arise. Both are common as you get older. Drama moves from high school to more serious adult issues. If someone no longer fits into your life, it’s okay to let them go. That doesn’t mean you have to forget the good (or bad) times. Reflect on them, cherish them if you want, and then move on.Â
Navigating friendships—both old and new—is an essential part of growing up. College brings change, distance, and new challenges, but it also offers the opportunity to form meaningful connections with people who will shape your future. Embrace the evolution of your friendships, let go when necessary, and always stay true to yourself. Most importantly, keep growing.