I’m leaving
the freshman assembly on my first day of high school
trying desperately to find
my locker in a sea of people.
Panicked and overwhelmed
I’m relying on finding this
blue-colored hunk of metal in the wall that belongs to me
in order to achieve a sense of solace
in this unfamiliar place.
Instead
I get more than I bargained for.
I find you.
You’re grabbing your books from the locker above mine.
Sorry, can I get to my locker? It’s right under yours.
Oh, of course!
You shuffle to the side, smiling warmly at me,
exuding an aura of kindness and
a sense of home.
I guess this makes us locker buddies, or something.
Or something.
It’s
the fourth week of school.
We have barely talked except in passing
and I want to change that.
You seem nice enough, so maybe
we could become better friends.
The bell rings, signaling the end
of class. You’re sitting still at your desk
showing no signs of moving. I intentionally hang back
taking my time to pack up my things. Maybe we can get lunch together and
get to know each other more.
I won’t ever know if I don’t ask.
After everyone leaves, I nervously approach you and
STOP.
You’re crying. No, you’re sobbing
profusely, heaving out gasps of air as multitudes of your tears splash
on the beaten-up wooden surface of your desk.
What should I do?
Where do I go from here?
Do I comfort you, me
a familiar face in a crowd but not a close confidant?
Do I awkwardly leave the room? You look up and see me
and I have my answer.
I gently put down my backpack and approach you
giving you what I hope to be a comforting pat on the back and some encouraging words.
It’s going to be okay. You are going to survive this moment.
I don’t know how to stop feeling like this.
Grades don’t equate your worth.
This entire situation is awkward. I’m not good at providing comfort
and I don’t know how to make you feel better. But something must work, because
you stop crying. Maybe it was my awkward energy or
our teacher’s panicked showing of a video on “How Grades Don’t Determine Your Worth” or
the sheer surrealness of the entire situation. All I do know is that
this moment has bonded us more than any lunch ever could.
I’m opening presents during
my 15th birthday. I
get to yours and I look at your face
exuding sheer giddiness and excitement.
Should I be scared?
Just open it!
I reach into the gift bag, taking out the tissue paper to uncover
one of my most treasured items: a bold, hot pink
pencil bag with gold colored lettering on it.
Heck Yeah!
It reads, practically shouting in my face.
It has to be the brightest thing I have ever seen
so unlike me in nature. I absolutely love it.
Sorry, I honestly didn’t know what to get you. But it’s so fun, isn’t it?
It’s absolutely perfect.
Sophomore second semester slumps hit
and they hit hard.
You cry into my arms as
your world feels like it’s crumbling. I
still don’t know exactly what words
to say to help you. I just want your pain to stop.
It hurts seeing you so sad.
I offer my shoulder to cry on
and a listening ear.
I got your back forever
no matter what.
The summer hits
differently, thank goodness. We needed a breather
after the year we just had.
You have your own car and license
and the world feels like it’s finally at our fingertips.
This summer
makes us feel invincible
flying down the freeway and
blasting music
screaming at the top of our lungs.
I can’t believe we’re going to be upperclassmen after this summer.
Time flies by so quickly!
Yes, it does.
I wish I could freeze time in place
and never have to grow up.
I never knew that life
could be this eventful. It feels like
we’ve finally fallen into our rhythm
found our groove. Perhaps this was to be
expected as we get older. Granted, there were
small little side notes to the story. I never expected
to be out of commission for a week after homecoming
of course. But
we were slowly beginning to go out more
trying to make more time for fun.
We never expected
what was about to come.
Friday comes around
and everyone’s buzzing about getting
an “extra week of spring break”.
Meanwhile, you are holding my hand and encouraging me
like you always do
to put myself out there and finally make a move.
Just go for it!
You’ll see him in two weeks when we get back
so you can have time to be sad if it goes badly.
But if it goes well
you can go out when we get back!
Right now is your perfect chance!
I guess I’ll never know if I don’t try.
One extra week of spring break
turned into months without you, my other half.
When we left school that day, I didn’t think
I would be saying goodbye to you for so long.
The separation hit hard.
We text every day
facetime to talk about random thoughts in our mind.
High school had been draining enough, but
the online element was a new level of burnout.
I wouldn’t have made it
without our constant check-ins.
Timer ready?
Yes, OKAY GO!
Laughter and happiness were foreign feelings to me
at this stage in our lives
but they always included you.
Graduation flew by and everyone’s
ready to leave for university.
One last hurrah of a summer.
Life is nothing but eventful
from trying to quietly sneak around a coyote in the dead of night
to a camping trip gone awry
as you carry me up half a mountain on your back.
I wouldn’t have it any other way. But
it feels as if time is slipping through my fingers
and I am terrified
of being left holding onto the remnants of my memories.
I’m so excited to leave the high school bubble
and branch out into the world
but I’m afraid
to do it without you by my side.
You became such an important part of my life
so quickly and so easily
it’s difficult for me to imagine a world
where I don’t see you or talk to you every day.
How am I supposed to do this without you?
As it turns out
I had nothing to worry about.
Now we’re two years into college
still as close as ever.
We don’t talk everyday like we used to
but when we do
it’s like time hasn’t passed.
You made me believe in the soulmate theory.
I believe that a person has multiple soulmates in their lifetime
may they be romantic bonds or bonds of friendship.
Some people just click.
Their paths align and
they are just meant to be in each other’s lives.
Hey Soulmate.
I’m so thankful to have met you.
I miss you.
And I love you.