How To Advocate For Yourself At The Doctors Amid Medical Gaslighting

Content Warning: This article mentions sexual violence.

Disclaimer: This article is not meant to offend anyone in the healthcare field or make generalizations. This is not professional or medical advice. 

I’m usually the child who helps meet our insurance deductible every year. Although my problems have (thankfully) had an easy fix, that doesn’t mean I’m not prone to a plethora of health issues. I’ve always been someone who once I feel sick or my body feels off, I rush to the doctor. This is always how I’ve been proactive about my health and shown doctors that I care deeply about my health and catching problems early. However, they seem to think this proactiveness is strange. Recently, before I left for a semester abroad, I visited a doctor for a check-up, to ensure my full health and discuss my chronic fatigue. When I told her that my abroad program wasn’t requiring this doctor’s visit, she seemed baffled and nearly told me to reschedule—all because I had no paperwork for her to fill out. As I began to explain my fatigue, she gave very little effort to understand my symptoms. Her advice of exercising more and getting out of bed early wasn’t helpful because I couldn’t get out of bed in the first place. She also cited a previous iron deficiency I had and told me to get more blood work. When this came back normal, she never followed up with me to help find the cause of my chronic fatigue.

Six months later, I visited a different doctor who took the time to listen to my concerns and also sympathized with why I was concerned. In one 20-minute appointment, my new doctor was able to come up with a possible diagnosis, schedule another appointment, send a referral, and have me complete a sleep study. I didn’t realize exactly how unheard I  felt until my concerns were finally taken seriously by a healthcare professional. I also realized I’m not the first woman to feel dismissed by a physician, which can later result in the problem becoming more severe. 

According to a New York Times article, women are more likely to be misdiagnosed, take longer to be diagnosed with life-threatening issues like heart disease and cancer, and are less likely to be offered pain medication. In a study conducted in 2000, they also found that women are seven times more likely than men to be misdiagnosed and discharged during an active heart attack. These statistics show that it’s not just a problem with a couple of bad doctors and unlucky women, but shows that sexism is far more ingrained in the healthcare field than we think it is. The term medical gaslighting describes it all as “gaslighting has been used by physicians to dismiss women’s health problems, enforcing the misogynist stereotype that women are irrational and “hysterical,” a prejudice that dates back centuries.” If you’ve ever felt like your needs and symptoms were dismissed or diminished, it’s not in your head and you’re not dramatic for feeling this way.

Here are some ways to advocate for yourself at a doctor’s appointment to ensure you receive the care you deserve.

Write out your concerns ahead of time.

Often at the doctor’s, we can become flustered with the multitude of questions being asked or simply by the environment that we forget crucial details about our issues. Writing down your concerns in specific detail can help give you something to refer to when discussing what brought you there in the first place. For example, if you’re struggling with stomach pain, write down when you first noticed it and include the date. Jot down if you took medication for it, if it helped or if it became worse after a certain activity. This way, the doctor can see that you’ve been monitoring this issue closely, and can make a differential diagnosis easier. If the problem resolves a couple of days before your appointment, then at least you have this information in case it ever resurfaces. 

 Listen to your body and trust it.

Only you live in your body, therefore, only you know when you’re feeling something unusual. If you begin to feel a sense of pain, discomfort, or persistent sensation, trust that your body is telling you something. You don’t have to go to the doctor because you think it’s something a doctor would worry about, you go to the doctor because it’s something you are worried about, and that’s valid. If it’s enough to concern you, it’s worth seeing a doctor. If you’ve tried all that you can at home to ease this discomfort, it’s time to seek help—even if you think you’re overreacting or that it’s not serious. It’s better to make an appointment for a minor issue than wait until it becomes dangerous and too late. 

Remember you’re not a burden.

There’ve been many times I’ve visited the doctor with an issue and it turned out to be an easy fix I could’ve done at home. This often left me feeling guilty for wasting their time. However, I realized I went to the doctor to ensure that it was an easy fix rather than assuming it was and dealing with it on my own. Going to the doctor is never a waste of your time or theirs because you’re receiving important information you may not be able to receive anywhere else. This is their job and you’re the one paying for their time and attention. Don’t hold back questions or concerns because you feel as if you’re wasting their time—your time and needs are just as valuable.

Ask questions

If you’re receiving a procedure or a test and you feel overwhelmed and confused; ask them what they’re doing. Ask what the medical instruments are and what they will be used for, or ask them to talk you through whatever they’ll be doing. It’s not weird or out of the ordinary to ask what is about to be done to your body. This is particularly true if you’re seeing a gynecologist and receiving an invasive exam; it’s normal to want to know what is being done, especially since you can’t see. If you have a history of sexual violence and sudden touching can be triggering, it’s important to let a doctor know and advocate for that accommodation. Often, on an intake form, there’ll be a spot to write down questions or concerns where you can write that you’d like to be talked through a procedure. It’s important to make procedures like pap smears as comfortable and safe as possible because they’re frequent tests that can be vital to your health. 

Advocate for your needs and be persistent.

It’s okay to ask for a follow-up, further testing, or more information when you feel you aren’t receiving enough care. If you go to the doctor with persistent throat pain and you believe it’s strep, ask for a strep test. If there are lab results you don’t understand, email and ask for clarification. You can advocate for yourself while also being considerate—you don’t have to choose one or the other. If your doctor is in a rush and you feel you haven’t been asked everything, ask to make a follow-up appointment or see if you can discuss it further over email. There’s a reason the saying “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” is so popular. The more you advocate and communicate, the likelihood of you getting the care you want increases.

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