On Nov. 6, 2024, I woke up and grabbed my phone, pausing to take a deep breath before Googling the election results. While I had already known the state of things the night before, nothing prepared me for the horrified shock I would still feel upon seeing the winner. I spent that morning in a daze, mourning the loss of a country I thought I knew, and attempting to cope with the feelings of betrayal as I discovered which of my family members and (now former) friends voted for him. I remember texting my best friend for comfort, telling her that I felt like I was going through the five stages of grief. “Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then right back to anger, because there’s just no way we’re accepting this.”
In the weeks that followed, I transitioned from a grieving phase to a rage phase, fueled by the anger I was feeling inside. As these emotions became more intense, however, I struggled to control them and would find myself unintentionally snapping at loved ones who didn’t deserve it. I didn’t want to feel or behave this way and, upon further research, learned that I suffer from repressed anger, a phenomenon defined as, “When anger is pushed down or hidden unconsciously, rather than being recognized and expressed in a healthy way.”
This is frequently due to issues such as unresolved trauma, cultural norms, or not being taught proper coping mechanisms as a child. When this anger isn’t addressed, however, it can lead to mental and physical health problems, self-sabotaging tendencies, self-harm, relationship troubles, and negative self-esteem. One thing was for certain; I couldn’t continue life this way. I needed to find a way to handle these feelings so I didn’t grow more resentful.
One of the best techniques to cope with repressed anger is to find an outlet to release it—this could be physical, therapeutic, or even creative. For some, physical activities are excellent strategies to relieve rage, including kickboxing, running, hiking, dancing, or yoga. Exercises like these can help you focus your breathing, reduce tension, channel your frustration, and guide you to a more peaceful state of mind.
Others find that creative channels are better for confronting these feelings of fury. Whether it’s painting, drawing, photography, writing, or playing a musical instrument, art can be a wonderful way to express your emotions. Spilling your sentiments onto a canvas or immersing yourself in music is more than just cathartic, it also gives you the opportunity to transform that negativity into something meaningful.
If you’ve explored different methods and find that you’re still struggling, talk to someone. Therapists are trained to help us identify our triggers and find healthy ways to deal with them or avoid them altogether. Outlets like these are essential to reducing the negative emotions you’re experiencing and living a healthier life.
Another approach that can be particularly helpful is to surround yourself with beauty. It’s hard to feel angry when you’ve lost yourself in art, music, nature, a book, or a new place! Going to art museums, traveling, camping, reading poetry, or listening to music are only a few means of achieving this. Gardening has even been proven to reduce stress, anger, and depression with 67% of people stating they feel happier after caring for their plants. For me, personally, searching for artists on Instagram or Etsy and buying art to decorate my home office has been one of my favorite anger-reducing habits. Not only do I get to enjoy stunning masterpieces from the comfort of my home, but I also take solace in knowing I’m supporting a small business as a result.
Anger is a completely normal emotion and can sometimes help you by motivating you, energizing you, or helping you defend yourself. However, if you just bury it instead of finding a way to release it, it will slowly start to affect other areas of your life, such as relationships and health. It’s not an easy process, but by acknowledging its presence and confronting it through conversation, movement, creativity, or other methods, we can reclaim our power and begin to heal. For years, I’ve suffered from various ailments like chronic migraines and mental health issues and, after this eye-opening discovery, I’m wondering how large of a part my repressed anger has played in my diagnoses. Either way, I’m eager to take what I’ve learned so far and start taking steps towards a healthier, less-stressful lifestyle.
Remember, repressed anger doesn’t define who you are, your response to it does.