College dating is going to be so fun! You’ll have so many more options. You can download the dating apps too!
These were things I heard after my long-term high school relationship ended and I was shoved into the college dating scene with no knowledge of what it’d be like. I thought I’d find the love of my life standing outside of my apartment door like Rory did in Gilmore Girls. Instead, I was met with creepy guys on dating apps telling me objectifying pick-up lines and no knowledge of how to date as an adult. Walking into the college dating scene, as a 20-year-old, meant that I had to learn how to date by trial and error, bad dates, and sticky situation-ships. So whether you are a veteran college dater or blindfolded like me, here are some tips to make dating in college easier.
- Know What YOu want
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I can’t stress this enough. Knowing what you want out of dating will give you clarity and also save the other person from confusion or heartbreak. Are you looking for a hookup, something casual, a situationship, or something exclusive? This isn’t to say you can’t change your mind, but it’s essential to communicate that change with the person you are seeing. If you aren’t sure about what you want, make that clear when you go on a date. It can be difficult to have that conversation and potentially disappoint someone, but it’s better than leading them on.
- Make a List of Non-Negotiables
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This was the best piece of advice I received when I started dating. More often than not, we get swept up in the butterflies of liking somebody romantically and we begin to ignore the red flags they’re showing. Having a list of things you want in a person or red flags that you refuse to tolerate helps keep you grounded in your dating goals. They can be anything from small things like “I want someone who knows how to cook” to more serious things like “I won’t date a guy who is a frequent user of drugs/alcohol”. If you have a gut feeling that someone is showing their true colors or a red flag, the list acts as a reassurance that this isn’t the person you want to be with and helps keep your standards high.
- Remember your worth
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We accept the love we think we deserve. Sometimes, we tolerate people who treat us poorly because we think poorly of ourselves and think we deserve that treatment. But you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated. Dating is supposed to be fun, carefree (at times), and exciting. It shouldn’t be stressful, hurtful, or confusing. It’s important to stand up for yourself and to set boundaries so you get the most from your dating experience. One of my favorite pieces of advice for this came from the podcast “Date Yourself Instead”. In the podcast, host Lyss Boss talks about the visualization technique where you imagine your highest self. This version of you has your dream job, accomplished your lifelong goals, and has everything you’ve wished for. Also, your highest self has self-love and compassion and knows their worth. Now you ask yourself, would my highest self accept this behavior? Would they accept this kind of treatment? In my experience, this has helped remind me of my worth by imagining a version of myself that was confident of her worth.
- Stay safe
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Being a woman in college is not the safest, with 1 in 5 women being sexually assaulted in college. It’s important to be safe when going out on dates or hooking up with someone, especially if you met them on a dating app. Pick a friend whom you feel comfortable sharing your location with and share it with them, either through Find My iPhone or Life360. Let them know when and where you are going on a date, as well as the name of who you are meeting. Sometimes it can feel embarrassing or shameful to tell your friend you are meeting up with a sneaky link, but it’s better to be embarrassed than to be in an unsafe situation where no one knows where you are. Lastly, you can use apps like Noonlight that will allow you to press and release a button when you feel unsafe. From there, the app will call the police for you and send them your location while also notifying your emergency contacts.
- Actions > Words
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It’s hard not to get attached to someone when you’re texting them all the time and they are telling you everything you’ve always wanted to hear. However, remind yourself that actions always speak louder than words. If they wanted to see you, their actions would prove that; by planning a time to see you or asking you out on a date. “I want to see you” or “I want to do this with you” doesn’t mean anything if they don’t follow through. Especially early in dating, their actions should match their words, and they should be proving that consistently instead of being hot and cold.
Dating in college can be intimidating, and it can be scary to put yourself out there. However, it can also be fun, and exhilarating, and lead to meaningful relationships. Keeping your standards high and reminding yourself of your worth can help you find the person that makes the dating experience worth it.