On Christmas of 2022, my mom gifted me a Wii she bought from Facebook Marketplace. This may seem like an underwhelming gift to unwrap on Christmas morning to some, but I was thrilled. I texted my roommates immediately and enlightened them with the amazing news. We had a variety of games, but the one we created an obsession over was “Mario Kart.” There are many different versions of this game, but the one we play is the basic “Mario Kart” Wii Version. This game came out in 2008, so it is not the most hi-tech or advanced video game you can think of. But, it has brought so much joy into our household through many competitive races, discussions about who gets what character, and ceremonies crowning the winners of the tournaments.
I play with the character Waluigi on the Flame Runner bike. Most of the time, I play against my three roommates, and then the rest of the racers are CPUs (Central Processing Units or, in normal words, a computer-driven racer). When we play a Versus Race we play on 100 CC. The CC determines the difficulty of the race; the higher the CC, the harder the race will be to win. There is also the Grand Prix, which is when you are playing by yourself and CPUs. These range in CC levels from 50 CC to 150 CC. There are eight categories that include four courses each. In order to complete a Grand Prix, you have to succeed in each race of the category consecutively. This can cause many frustrations because one small mistake can ruin all the progress you’ve made and force you to start over.
I have always had a hard time ranking things. Even if the rank holds no real importance, I feel guilty putting one thing above another. So, when I was brainstorming article ideas, my sudden obsession with “Mario Kart” felt like an obvious choice. With this, naturally, the article could be ranking my favorite courses. This instantly brought me stress, so instead, I started to think about all the courses I despised. So, this is my ranking of my least favorite “Mario Kart” courses.
5.Wario’s Gold Mine
Each category for the Grand Prix is named after an icon. The category that this race is in is labeled by a flower symbol. It took me ages to earn gold for the flower category. And it was all because of this course. Wario’s Gold Mine is the last race in the category and takes place on railroad tracks without a bumper as bats and gold-carrying carts are flying at you at full speed. I would fall off this course a ridiculous amount of times, and the day that I finally got first in this race was the day I could finally feel my shoulders relax.
4.DK Summit
This race mimics skiing and snowboarding. There are areas with such deep snow you get stuck, and I always find myself there. There are also halfpipes and slippery, sharp turns that are not easy to navigate. My roommate Georgia loves this course and puts it on the TV when she is looking to anger the rest of us.
3.Bowser Castle 3
There are many Bowser Castles in this game, but this one takes the cake of being the worst of them. The entire race, you are surrounded by a lava ocean, and if you play like Waluigi, you fall and burn in that quickly. There are many sharp turns in this race that are tricky to make without falling into the sticky red substance that slows you down. On top of all of this, there are floating rock figures that suddenly drop and crush your poor little racer.
2.Ghost Valley 2
Ghost Valley 2 is King Boo’s territory. The whole course is pitch black except for a small area in front of you. This means that you do not know when the turns are coming. Also, they leave enough room for the turns where it almost tricks you into turning left when it is really right, and you find yourself falling fast to your death. I can never get first in this race because my strategy is to follow a computer ahead of me so I can read where they are turning, but this leaves me in second place most of the time.
1.Rainbow Road
I do have to appreciate the iconicness of this course. I bet most people think of Rainbow Road when the topic is “Mario Kart.” This is very clearly the hardest race in the game while simultaneously being one of the most visually appealing courses. One time, I counted how many times I fell off in just three laps, and it got up to about 15. There are no bumpers or railings on this course, and it is held way up in space, so if you fall off, you fall many, many light years down and back to Earth.
While I say I hate these courses, I still have such a fun time competing in them. My house is known for our “Mario Kart” skills, and a couple of us even went as far as dressing up as our characters for Halloween this year. Anyone is welcome to match up with our house in a race, but play at your own risk, because when Waluigi, Koopa Troopa, Toad, and Daisy are placed together, they can be deadly.