Shaping My Feminist Identity: Thank You, Nanny

The brilliant William Shakespeare once said, “She’s beautiful and therefore to be wooed; she is a woman, therefore to be won.” Reading that quote, who do you think of? Someone you love? Someone you adore? When we think of a woman who should be won, fought for, adored and loved, do you think of yourself? Are you that woman who comes to mind when you think of a hypothetical being who deserves anything and everything in this life? 

When I hear this quote I think of my best friends who have hearts of gold and have held me together through the curveballs life has thrown me. I think of myself. I think of my sisters, who have and will continue to be my rock through everything. I think of my mom who brought me into this world and has continued to make my life on earth worth living. And I think of my grandmother, Lee Ellis. 

When I think of a woman who knows she deserves to be fought for and wooed, I think of my grandmother: one of the strongest women alive and one of the people who I admire and have looked up to the most in my life. She is the woman who holds my wild and extravagant family together: the woman who has taught me the importance of traveling this big wide world because we’re only alive on this earth once. She is the woman who has taught me the value in female friendships because there is nothing stronger in this world than women lifting each other up. My grandmother is the woman who has taught me to value my family: how lucky are we to have built-in humans that understand us better than anyone? But ultimately, my grandmother taught me that it’s ok to be an ambitious woman. 

It’s attractive to be a woman who wants to go and get anything and everything she wants in this life. It’s captivating to have standards and expect the most from others because that’s what we as women bring to the table. It’s appealing to never settle, because it’s better to be alone and find happiness within yourself than settle for someone because of fear of being alone. It’s compelling to want to travel the world, be a lawyer, a writer, a mother, an astronaut, or a wife; you can be anything you want because truly anything is possible if you work for it. My grandmother has taught me the true value of being an ambitious woman by setting an example for me to follow.

I remember sitting in my grandmother’s lap as a little girl and looking up at her eyes and being enchanted by the way they sparkled when the sun hit them just right. I remember being obsessed with her jewelry and starting to fall in love with dressing myself up and making myself feel beautiful from the inside out. I remember seeing the way she lived so freely and happily and wanting that for myself too. At a young age, I wanted a happy and full life because I grew up watching my grandmother live her everyday life in a way that she was genuinely excited to wake up for. Because why not? This life is not a trial run. It’s the real thing. This is it. This is your life and anything you aspire to be is up to you. 

I grew up watching my grandmother make the choices she really wanted not because somebody told her it was right or because it would fit her into a box society created, but because they made her happy. Us as women subconsciously have set boundaries and timelines in our minds that are unreasonable and down right impossible because of the influences of society. My grandmother lives her life knowing what truly and completely matters to her. It wasn’t what society thought mattered or what her bosses thought mattered: if it made her happy, it became a priority for her. 

Watching her independence as a young girl made me into the type of woman I am today. It’s made me take a step back and analyze what’s actually important to me and to do everything I can to make those things happen. It’s made me realize I value family over everything. My grandmother has helped me realize I want to work as hard as I can have the type of career I want, travel everywhere I possibly can in this short life, and to love and value my friendships whole hardheartedly. My grandmother has made me into the feminist I am today. 

I was taught at a young age how to hold myself as a woman who knew what she wanted. I learned by my grandma’s example on how to order food, talk to friends and family, and honestly how to hold myself. My grandmother didn’t make herself smaller or more simple to make people comfortable; she has continued to hold herself with confidence through her life. She is unapologetically exactly herself because she knows who she was and what she deserves. For so long I wondered how this was possible in a world of people who make rules and boundaries for women. But you are who you surround yourself with. If you have women in your life who speak to themselves in high regard and hold themselves with confidence, sooner or later you will become just like them. 

I remember when I was about 10 and my family and I took a trip to Florida for Thanksgiving. We had a dinner reservation at this beautiful restaurant and when we arrived, they had not given us a table and forgot. My cousins, aunt, uncle, parents, and siblings were all distraught and accepted that we would have to find another place. My grandmother did not back down. She went up to the front desk, asked for the manager and respectfully and confidently had a conversation with the manager. Ultimately we got to our table and had a fantastic meal just like we had reserved. This was one of many times that my grandmother showed me the significance of the way you hold yourself as a woman. 

As I became a woman, I have learned the unspoken importance and benefits that come with the way you hold yourself and walk around in this world. The importance of the way you speak to other people as well as yourself. The way you treat the people you interact with. My grandmother has and will always be unapologetically the most intelligent, hilarious, and beautiful woman I know. Most women in this world have these qualities but the difference is that my grandmother knows she is all of these things. She breathes, eats and lives with a vibration of confidence that attracts and shows the world exactly the type of woman she is. That’s always been something I have noticed and taken note of. That every single woman on this planet has more than enough to bring to the table, but it’s the rules of society that hold women back from unlocking this potential.

From my grandmother I learned that if you belittle yourself and shrink to a man’s voice, you will never break the barriers put up for women. If you want to be treated with respect and honesty in a man’s world, you need to know who you are first. You need to believe with every bone in your body that you deserved that promotion. That you deserve that respect. That you deserve everything your male coworker has. That if you want to be a successful business woman, mother, wife, friend, you need to hold yourself in a way that shows the world that you deserve that respect. That if you reserved a place for dinner, you deserve that dinner reservation and if needed, will show them that you deserve it. 

If you ask anyone she knows, you will learn one of the most important things in my grandmother’s life is her female friends. She values and holds those friendships dear to her heart. As I grew up and watched her interact with other women, I never understood the extent of what she was talking about. I never understood the type of love one can experience through female friendships. Only upon experiencing similar friendships as my grandmother, I realized how female friends can become your everything. They become your chosen family. Your chosen sisters. Watching my grandmother nurture her bonds instilled a profound recognition of the treasure that is female friendships.

I’ve come to understand the harsh realities of this world—its cruelty, its challenges, and the heartbreak it often brings. Yet, amidst this tumult, friendships have shown me a magical type of companionship in the face of adversity. They offer respite from the inherent loneliness of existence: showing us that yes we lose people and parts of ourselves, but everyone does. Having a circle of people to relate and talk to takes the sting out of life. Within strong friendships and connections with other women you can find an anchor in your life which helps you find those parts of yourself that get lost in the madness of life. Having women that truly want to see you succeed and fall in love and be happy gives us women the type of support that much of society doesn’t. Witnessing my grandmother embody the profound magic of a sisterhood has taught me the importance of cherishing and nurturing these connections. By cherishing the women who are full of laughter, life, kindness and persistent determination to make me the best version of myself, I’ve been able to watch and learn about the value of women who enrich and elevate the quality of my life, making the journey through its complexities not just bearable, but truly fulfilling.

When I wake up in the morning and look around at the type of life I have and worked for, I thank my grandmother. I thank her for showing me at a young age everything I need to know to be a successful woman in a world built to minimize women. To be ambitious because this life is short and there is so much to see and do. To love wholeheartedly and honestly because this world needs a lot more love. To hold onto the people who make you feel alive because life is hard and lonely and we need our people. To wake up every morning to a life that is exciting because today and tomorrow and everyday is not a trial run, it’s the real deal. To know what you deserve because it will save you so much time and heartbreak. To never settle because of loneliness. To hold yourself in a way that shows the world that you will make your mark here because you have so much to offer. To love yourself before anything because you’re in this body with this heart and soul till the end. To never change yourself to fit into a box because society is uncomfortable with strong women. 

I never really understood how much having such a strong woman in my life impacted me until I started growing up and actually seeing the world for what it was. As I continued to meet more people and see more of the world, I realized a lot of people weren’t raised by the same type of women I was raised by. Many young girls didn’t have the same type of role models to help them like I did. A lot of young girls did not have the same type of confidence I had as a girl because they did not have the privilege to be raised by my grandmother. 

I thank her for paving me the path I want to take by leading by example. I thank her for loving me in the way that everyone should. For teaching me how much I have to offer. I thank this life everyday that I was blessed to be her granddaughter because I don’t know what I would do without her. I thank this life I was given because I get to be in her life and watch the way she lives. The way she laughs. The way she loves. The way she makes everyone around her feel seen and so loved. Everyone deserves a human like my grandmother in their life. She makes life happier. Easier. She has shown me the definition of how beautiful and healing love can be. How love makes this beautiful, heartbreaking magical life worth living. 

Thank you for everything, I love you Nanny.

• confidence
• family
• feminism
• Grandparents
• life
• love
• power