Content Warning: This article discusses topics of addiction and anxiety.
Am I drinking too much? Do people care if I am not drinking? What does sober curiosity mean? You may have pondered these questions yourself, especially if you’re in college or early 20s. There’s no doubt that the college experience is synonymous with alcohol and substance use. Whether you’re experimenting with it for the first time at a frat party, or having a beer at a football game, we all possess unique relationships with alcohol and have various understandings of it. Even if you feel alone in comprehending how your stress and anxiety can be a relevant factor in your drinking habits, you aren’t alone, because therapist Chelsea Follet understands these situations and specializes in it.
Chelsea has always known she wanted to be a therapist after her own experiences with therapy at 12 years old: “I just loved how therapy is a relationship between two people and their main focus is healing,” she says. That dream became reality when she earned her master’s in clinical psychology and started work as a licensed addiction counselor. From there, she built her private practice called Wandering Beagle Counseling. “I used to take my beagle on what we called ‘sniffer walks’ where he took his time to sniff everything around him,” she says. “It was a great metaphor for being more present and taking our time.” She now specializes in working with young adults to help them understand their anxiety and relationship with substances.
I have always been curious about what has led to the distinct culture and meaning surrounding substance abuse in college students when compared to adults. When I asked her about this difference, she told me: “Drinking in college is in its own world. It is a very isolated time. It is ingrained in our dating culture and our routines such as binge drinking on the weekends or pregaming.” However, she also admits that we exist in an age of experimentation and it can be viewed as normal for our age. My follow-up was concerned with how addiction incidence is correlated to this experimentation, and she responded: “90% don’t have an addiction, what is it about the 10% that do? They are using it for psychological pain management. In college, it can be just experimentation or it could be planting the seed for a substance disorder.” It maintains that college students are especially vulnerable to addiction when considering the amount of pressure academic workload adds to our lives. We are also in an inimitable and transformative time of our lives where as we navigate the space between teenage years and adulthood, the boundaries become more blurry. More specifically, she goes on to say: “When we have individuals who are high achievers, perfectionists and aim for success, alcohol can shut off our brains for a minute. We all have addictions that do that, such as caffeine. But addiction thrives in shame and isolation.”
The idea of sober curiosity has recently permeated the consciousness of our generation and has even made appearances in dating apps. So—what is sober curiosity? Chelsea defined it as: “A way for people to be proactive about their drinking and be a part of a movement that doesn’t preach complete sobriety.” To her, sober curiosity dispels the idea that sobriety isn’t black and white, which allows for it to avoid failure. Instead, it provides us an opportunity to develop our relationship with alcohol and control our drinking without being confined to the meaning of ‘being sober.’ She continued: “I like this movement because it’s not where someone is telling you to stop drinking but rather managing it.” Suppose sober curiosity is of interest to you. In that case, she suggests taking a step back to embrace the role of being an objective observer of your drinking habits and to ask yourself: “What days am I using alcohol and substances, and how much? What rituals do I have with drinking? What changes do I want to make?” She recommends reaching out to people you feel comfortable with and who can help support you. She also says this interaction can be casual and doesn’t have to be a serious, intervention-style conversation. Lastly, there are numerous communities in subreddits or Facebook groups where you can find like-minded people.
If sober curiosity isn’t your thing, then how can we still experience the fun effects of alcohol while avoiding the slippery slopes of addiction? An important distinction Chelsea emphasizes is between enhancing the experience versus becoming the experience. Enhancing the experience is drinking to feel a buzz or slight high, such as having a glass of wine with a nice steak dinner, or going to happy hour with your friends. Becoming the experience, on the other hand, is drinking with the intention to be drunk and to numb anxiety and stress. Chelsea recommends asking yourself what your intention is before the consumption of alcohol or other substances. Is it to just go out and have fun? Or is it because I failed a test this week and I am upset about it? She recognizes the complexity of this process and that it won’t happen overnight, but self-awareness is the first step to any sort of change. Another method is to devote time to addressing the root of the issue: the daily anxiety and stress we feel as college students. Chelsea suggests self-care in this regard but clarifies that it doesn’t have to look like a bubble bath and a face mask. She recommends scheduling five minutes a day to start, using that time to get outside, move your body, meal prep, or take a nap. The key is— it needs to be intentional, rather than just doom-scrolling on TikTok.
Being in your early twenties is already terrifying, and adding alcohol and other substances can make it that much more confusing. Navigating your relationship with alcohol may be filled with uncertainty and fear, but Chelsea reminds us that “everyone’s journey is different. There are lots of shades of grey in this world, but it’s all about finding what your shade of grey is.” If you’re interested in the work Chelsea does, check out Wandering Beagle Counseling and her offices in Evergreen and Westminster.
Resources:
Chelsea Follet’s Psychology Today page