Can we get a round of applause for orgasms? Not only do they work as exceptional stress-alleviators, but they can also work as a way to learn more about your body, in regards to personal likes and dislikes (Talkspace: Masturbation is Great for De-Stressing). Essentially, orgasms are extremely efficient and versatile with respect to their benefit for the human body. With so many mental and physical benefits, you would think sexual exploration would be embraced rather than looked down upon. But when orgasms are induced by a female pleasuring herself, it’s immediately a topic that’s less talked about or even frowned upon. Why? Why is it so stigmatized in today’s society to discuss/partake in female masturbation? I can tell you one thing: it shouldn’t be. Let’s normalize exploring your body as a woman!
The first conversation I ever had concerning female masturbation took place in high school. I was hanging out with a couple of guy friends, and one of them was explicitly elaborating on how much he had masturbated the previous night. During this part of the conversation, everyone was laughing and joking around, making the atmosphere of the dialogue feel very relaxed. When he made a joke about how he could only go for two rounds at most on a normal night, I unconsciously jumped in, saying, “Yeah, girls can definitely go for longer if they want to.” The awkward silence, following what I thought of as a seamlessly normal addition to this discussion, was excessively detrimental to my views on female masturbation.
After staring at me in shock for quite some time, all my guy friends began to make extremely unnecessary remarks regarding my comment, mainly along the lines of, “But you’re a girl. Girls shouldn’t do that stuff, much less talk about it in public.” This kind of reaction, while being exceptionally harmful, has unfortunately become very normalized in society today. I felt awful after the conversation, which was supposed to simply be a light-hearted exchange between friends. Self-deprecating thoughts flooded my mind, pushing me to mistakenly feel ashamed about ever exploring my body, much less ever bringing it up out loud.
This is not an instance found only in my life — many women have been shamed for expressing sexual thoughts/interest, specifically regarding masturbation. This has been found to result in a large “masturbation gap” between genders, where frequently more men feel confident in openly admitting to masturbating than women do. In fact, according to a survey of 14,500 participants across 17 countries (conducted by the sex toy brand, Womanizer), the “masturbation gap” between men and women is at 62% (Grazia: Masturbation Gap Between Men And Women). It seems normalized for a man in this society to openly discuss jerking off with his friends in explicit detail. In contrast, if a woman makes even a comment about pleasuring herself, she’s met with derogatory remarks and judgement. In order to combat harmful gender stereotypes in society, this double standard of self-pleasure needs to be fought. Everyone should have the right to be sexual and comfortably open about it.
People do not talk about female masturbation remotely enough (Medium: We Need to Talk About Female Masturbation). It is important to normalize personal exploration with female anatomy and encourage open discussion about it. The shame factor that’s so prevalent when talking about female masturbation is negatively consequential, leading to confusion regarding the female anatomy, for example. Female anatomy can be complex, even to women, if we’re being honest. No one is exactly the same, so our personal sexual likes and dislikes vary, and one of the major ways a person can understand what they truly like is through self-exploration. Personal sexual exploration is a healthy way for a woman to learn more about herself and feel much more confident in her own body. Masturbation can be one of the purest forms of self-love, so rather than societally condemning women who masturbate, we should work towards negating the shame factor. By doing so, we can combat harmful societal stereotypes and work towards gender equality.
References:
Aspinall, Georgia. “The Masturbation Gap Between Men and Women is Slowly Closing, But It’s Still Huge.” Grazia, Grazia, 18 Aug. 2021, https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/in-the-news/equal-masturbation-day-men-women-gap/.
Brayne, Kaylee. “We Need to Talk About Female Masturbation.” Medium, Fearless She Wrote, 28 Nov. 2019, https://medium.com/fearless-she-wrote/we-need-to-talk-about-female-masturbation-3fe11f2c0d7a.
O’Neill, Rachel, and Ashley Laderer. “5 Reasons Masturbation Is Great for De-Stressing.” Talkspace, 10 Apr. 2018, https://www.talkspace.com/blog/5-reasons-masturbation-destressing/.