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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter.

As a little kid, and even as a teenager, my twenties seemed so far away. A distant collection of years that I would spend working or traveling; closing out with a marriage, a career, or some other significant marker of success. This November I turned 20. I don’t know how it snuck up on me, but it’s here, and yet I don’t quite fit the expectations I had set for myself in the past. There wasn’t any significant or visible indication of change that occurred on my birthday. I didn’t get taller, inherit immediate and useful knowledge, or receive a dream job that I didn’t apply for. What had happened however was subtle: I enjoyed my birthday. 

Birthdays can be challenging especially when the age you’re turning seems important. There was a short story I had to read in middle school called ‘Eleven’. The story is about a little girl turning 11-years-old who is upset that she doesn’t feel different on her birthday. Something she said that has really resonated with me ever since is “When you turn eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t”. There are so many beautiful stories about birthdays encapsulating how much growth someone can experience in just a year of life, but I feel like this section embodies how it truthfully feels to turn to a new age. For the past few years, I always felt upset that I never felt any older. On the surface I didn’t experience significant change this year however, I feel like I have been able to grow and learn more than before. In honor of my birthday being Nov. 3, here are three lessons I would have told my younger self about turning twenty.

1. No one has a complete guide. A misconception I had when I was younger was that adults always had everything figured out. Watching them navigate the world and how they approached situations–especially my parents–I aspired to be like them because they had the answer for any question I asked. I hoped that all of my actions, papers, art projects, and Taekwondo classes would mold me into someone others would take one look at and say, wow, she’s really got it figured out. News flash, no one actually has it figured out. This was a groundbreaking discovery, but it’s one of the most important things I have ever learned. I was told when I was younger to create my own path and enjoy the journey, which I’ve found to be way more exciting than just knowing everything. I have grown more through challenges than anything else. Since I have moved states for school and have had to navigate situations I wouldn’t have experienced otherwise, I have created a life and identity I am proud of. No one is looking at me saying, wow, she’s really got it figured out when I’m at a Zedd concert painted blue or walking straight into the clear glass at Top Golf, and that’s okay. I’ve found and cultivated interests and in embracing the unknown, and found joy in life that I wouldn’t have found if I wasn’t pushing myself to grow. 

2. You don’t have to keep something or someone around just because you have dedicated time to them in the past. When I had a limited circle of close relationships, it never felt as though I could move on or let go without dealing with detrimental consequences. In a not entirely self centered way, I’ve begun putting myself first. There have been people and spaces where, even if not permanent–I have stepped away from. Life throws a lot your way, and life only becomes harder when you keep yourself attached to things that are pulling you down. What I’m not doing however is throwing out and ignoring–at least not forever–that one hard math problem just because it’s burdening me at the moment. What I am saying however, is that there are instances when I’ve looked at relationships and posed the question: are they here for me or are they entirely involved with themselves? For the most part, no one is entirely good or bad, but some people carelessly put themselves before everything else. When I’ve distanced myself from those who don’t serve me for the greater good, stopping the line of communication can be as easy as stop texting and reaching out first. People get busy, but if that is truly the case and they show no interest or initiative to keep up the communication with you, I don’t think it’s wrong to step away. People come in and out of your life for a reason, and I don’t think it’s wrong to recognize that time spent on something doesn’t mean it has to stay around forever.

3. There really is so much time. Turning 20 while simultaneously feeling like a teenager felt like a misuse of time. There was this subconscious pressure I began to feel surrounding how successful I should be or what I should be doing with my life. When I was younger I acted based on a clear, timed and planned trajectory of where I should be in my life and when. However, if there is anything I have learned, it is that there is plenty of time to get anything done. As my interests have developed, I’ve unraveled my need to be influenced or afraid of time. One of the best things is where you are right now. To reference Silvia Plath in The Bell Jar, my life does feel like it’s branching out like a fig tree. With so much to choose from, I currently don’t feel as though there is any reason to rush picking something and when I do, why pick just one? There are so many different paths I can lead in life, and learning to remove time’s control over my life has aided me immensely. 

Misconceptions are inevitable when starting anything new. By moving past my previous beliefs, I have found joy and satisfaction in the life I have now. Although there are misconceptions to be held at any age, I am happy that I have found that there is so much to learn from growth and experiencing new things.

Alexandra Phelps

CU Boulder '27

Alexandra Phelps is a contributing writer in the Her Campus Chapter at the University of Colorado Boulder. She joined in August 2024. She is a sophomore at the University of Colorado Boulder and is majoring in English Literature and double minoring in Economics and Business. She is pursuing English as a major after she rediscovered her love of reading and writing. She wants to learn more about Economics and Business because she is interested in the ways businesses and governments change, track and develop their products and strategies depending on people’s interests. She is from Rhode Island, and while she loves exploring the beautiful mountains of Colorado, she aspires to return to New England. She hopes one day to become a writer or work in law. In her time outside of classes and Her Campus, Alexandra is interested in reading, painting, and photography. She loves music and creating detailed and complex playlists with many different genres. Her favorite musicians currently are Still Woozy, Lana del Rey, and Matchbox Twenty. She is an animal lover, and enjoys photographing nature. She enjoys painting landscapes and has been experimenting in printmaking. Additionally in her free time she loves to read. She loves fiction and her two favorite books recently have been "The Magician’s Assistant" by Ann Patchett and "Unsheltered" by Barbara Kingsolver.