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The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CU Boulder chapter.

The term ‘gay best friend’ (GBF) is inherently microaggressive. It may seem as though this term simply connects someone’s identity to their relationship with someone else, but this phenomenon is riddled with subtle dehumanization. 

The stereotype

Microaggressions are apparent whenever stereotypes are prevalent, as the purpose is often to reinforce long-lasting stigmas. When it comes to a GBF, the most prominent stereotype is parallel with that of flamboyant men. In this context, a gay man is viewed as the token gay friend within a predominantly straight, female group, or duo who is “more a court jester than anything else,” and is only interested in shopping, gossip, sassiness, and sex. 

For women who coin their gay friends as a GBF, the internal result is that they are completely accepting of homosexuality. News flash: if you’re only friends with a gay person because of the societal stereotypes tied to their identity, you’re not a trailblazing activist fighting against homophobia— you’re actually just contributing to the problem.

pop culture’s role

With any set of stereotypes, it is inevitable that media and pop culture will perpetuate them, whether that be conscious or not. This is apparent in many hit movies and TV shows, specifically in the late 90s and early 2000s as society started to be more “accepting” of homosexuality; by “accepting” I only mean that media didn’t use slurs to describe gay people, but rather showed the aforementioned acceptance through the isolated act of incorporating gay characters into storylines, but that didn’t mean they were nice about it. 


Some of the more popular characters that exemplify this trope include Stanford Blatch and Anthony Marentio from Sex and the City, Marc St. James from Ugly Betty, and Damian from Mean Girls. All of these characters have the same purpose within the story: they’re simply an accessory.

what does this mean?

This kind of “inclusion” can only be seen as destructive. When we encourage the use of gay men as a tool of entertainment in society and pop culture, we begin to lack representation for the spectrum of what being gay actually looks like; this inherently places queer people into a box. Believe it or not, there is more nuance to the queer community than what meets the heterosexual eye. 

We often see how gay men are vilified by society when they externalize their feminine side (a side that lives within all of us, but I digress). At the same time, gay men that may present themselves in a traditional masculine manner are stigmatized as well. So where is the happy medium? 


Society views finding men desirable as feminine behavior. To most straight cis men, the combination of attraction to men and “womanly” individual expression, means a recipe for hate towards femininity as a whole. In general, most men might have an attraction to women, but that doesn’t mean men actually like women as people; this is clearly depicted through the constant disrespect that women receive from male figures on the scale of domestic violence within relationships to reproductive rights legislation. It’s obvious that men hate femininity, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise when they express this hate towards feminine gay men as well.

taking action

The only way to combat the destruction stemming from stigmas and stereotyping is to speak up when it’s in front of you. I know this can be intimidating, especially if you see this behavior occurring within your friend group or within your family, but recognize that in the end, this is a service to society. When speaking up, it is important to acknowledge the harm being caused and provide examples for support. The only way we can destroy harmful stereotypes is through educating, confronting and questioning potential harm, and fostering empathy for those affected.

Brooke Coffman

CU Boulder '28

Brooke is a freshman at CU with a major in journalism and minor in political science! She took a gap year after graduating from high school to pursue her secondary passion for skin care by getting her esthetician license which she received over the summer. Brooke also has a deep love for all things fashion, and holds close a dream of someday being an editor at Vogue Magazine. She enjoys writing commentary articles on sociopolitical issues, specifically pertaining to her strong zeal for feminist theory. This bleeds into her strong passion for activism, whether that be attending protests, signing petitions, or passing along informative posts on social media. You will often find her at Norlin Library sipping on a matcha and listening to Sabrina Carpenter. Brooke loves to explore her love for music through dancing, going to concerts, and discovering new artists. Her current musical obsessions include Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, SZA, and Ariana Grande. She also enjoys traveling around the world with family and friends, her favorite spots being Santorini and Budapest. Brooke's other creative hobbies include sewing, which was heavily engrained in her upbringing because of her beloved grandmother, and playing the guitar, a hobby substantially inspired by her older sister. She also enjoys playing volleyball, which she had played competitively from 2nd grade all the way up until her senior year of high school. Brooke loves finding ways to blend her hobbies and interests together, and hopes to someday do that with her passions for journalism and fashion.