Like many first-year students, I spent most of my senior year hanging out with friends, skipping class, and not doing homework. ‘Senioritis’, especially after a year of online learning, hit like a ton of bricks. I was unmotivated, tired, and just wanted to get out of high school.
Over the years, I saw that people tend to place the most importance on being around other people, especially classmates. As a senior in high school, you constantly get the idea shoved down your throat about how this is the last year to spend time with your friends, family, and peers. So, in my experience, I spent my whole senior summer trying to hang out with my friends as much as possible before it was all gone. Before it, all changed.
After that, you just show up to college. And yes, you’re meeting people by the dozens and creating new friendships. You have this newfound independence. You can do what you want when you want.
So, why not just hang out with people all the time? Why ever be alone?
You still get lonely at times.
Why?
Well, for me, I went from hanging out with people who have known me since birth- to now being surrounded by strangers. It becomes an overwhelming feeling of being alone in a room full of people.
This month, I placed a challenge on myself to go against this. If I can learn not to be lonely when alone, I can never be lonely.
Here are some of the tricks I have learned.
- Journaling
I cannot emphasize how much journaling has changed my life. It’s the number one form of self-care that anyone can do. It’s just you, thinking about yourself for a moment in time. Not letting anyone else or anything else cloud your head.
I went around campus during the first week of college to look for the perfect journaling spots—somewhere beneath the trees where I could hide from others. And there, between me and nature, I just pour my feelings into my journal.
This not only allows me to get out my feelings but helps me with being self-reliant. Before, I would go to my friends whenever I was upset or overwhelmed. Now, I can rely on myself to go through that process. And, yes, while it is essential to open up to others still. When you are surrounded by people you don’t know completely yet, it’s nicer to talk to yourself and allow yourself to warm up to people before you overshare.
While I know, not everyone likes to sit down and journal. Just to find a way to express your emotions, it can be ranting in a notes app, screaming into a voice recording, or drawing how you are feeling. Doing something solitary that allows you to get your emotions out and figure out how you feel by yourself.
- Delete the stories
I am- and always will be an oversharer! I believe that it is the Achilles heel of our generation. Social media has conditioned us to think that everyone wants to know what we’re doing at every moment.
This is especially found with private stories on apps like Snapchat or Instagram. It was the perfect place to post something to show all of your friends without having to worry about what strangers thought.
So, in turn I was with people I felt the need to post on my private story. Everyone needed to know how many friends I have, how much fun I am having constantly. Even if it really wasn’t.
But, everyone else also posted when they were having fun. And I would just watch all of the stories religiously and become obsessed. Letting my insecurities take over, my brain was swarmed with questions. Is this person going out tonight? Are they having more fun than me? Do I have to go out? Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want to go out?
It got worse when I got to college. Comparing myself with my friends at different schools and with my classmates. I would sit and think. What do you mean these people went out on a Wednesday night? Am I supposed to? Where did these people go? What is wrong with me?
And then one night, I was tired of just staring at other people’s stories and feeling bad for myself. I completely deleted my private story and I never looked back.
I let go of the pressure of caring what others think and worrying about having to show I’m having fun. Then, people took me off their private stories, and I didn’t have to worry about comparing myself to everyone else.
I think that comparison would have been the death of me- and I think it goes for our whole generation. It’s so isolating to watch other people have fun when you don’t feel like you’re doing college wrong. If I want to go out on a friday- it should be up to me and me only. I don’t need to prove to other people anything. I don’t need to feel like I’m in a competition with other people. After deleting my private story,I genuinely felt lighter. I kept those fun moments for myself only.
- Keep one thing for yourself
This leads me to my last point. Do one thing for yourself.
As a freshman, you just spent the last four years doing everything for either your friends, teachers or to get into college. My schedule was filled with hanging out with others. Doing clubs and community service, that I didn’t care about, and that I just did to be able to get into a ‘good’ college.
I came into freshman year of college realizing I can’t live like that again.
Even if it’s just a small thing: making yourself coffee, reading a book for 30 minutes, or working out alone. Just a small part of your day that is yours and only yours. If you have that one moment of the day for yourself, you can say you live for yourself and not others- and that’s the first part of becoming independent.
So, try to just let one little part of your day be dedicated to you and you only.
In conclusion, again, I am not perfect. I still want to spend every waking moment with others and get lonely a lot. But to just make these small habits a routine in your life, will be able to maybe help change your mindset and let you learn to become more independent.