Ever since I switched from the Women’s Rowing team to the Men’s Rowing team my freshman year of high school, my understanding and perception of life have changed. Rowing is a sport of high discipline, and I am often the one holding the other athletes to these standards. Being on the team and navigating the weird dynamic between the boys and girls has taught me so much. Some of these lessons have been learned easily, and some the hard way; but, I am grateful I experienced them despite the way I have learned them.
Setting boundaries is essential. For seven days a week, about four hours a day, and overnights on the weekends, I am the only girl the boys interact with. This is why boundaries are so important. Without being clear that I am, in fact, “one of the boys,” as niche as that sounds, things on the team tend to get messy. I’m speaking from plenty of experience. My freshman year, I went into this experience uninformed and ill-prepared for navigating that “I think I like you” dialogue I found myself having with my teammates. Setting boundaries ensures that I maintain friendships on the team and have rules to keep my authority meaningful when we row. Having to set so many limitations with every team member, I have begun to also set limits outside of rowing. Before going into any relationship, whether it is a new college roommate, a group of friends, or a love interest, setting clear boundaries from the start ensures that all parties involved are on the same page. Since learning how much value boundaries hold, I find that communication is much easier, and overall my relationships, both platonic and romantic, are less stressful.
Not everything is that personal. Since I am the leader of the boat, both steering-wise and command-wise, it will always be my fault when something goes wrong. Having eight huge guys from my boat yelling about a broken piece of equipment, a bad race, or hitting something in the water that I just didn’t see can be very stressful. I am held to such a high standard on the team, that it is easy to buy into everything the boys are saying out of frustration when we miss the mark. Being self-aware of when I am overanalyzing what the boys are expressing is the best skill I have developed from the team. In life, we can be oversensitive. It is easy to think the world has it out for you or to take people’s frustration the wrong way; taking a step back and reflecting on what is going on saves you so many negative feelings.
While knowing that not everything is personal, it is essential to know when things are personal. Advocating for myself isn’t an uncommon thing. On the team, it is sometimes hard not to be singled out. Anti-woman jokes, derogatory conversations, and “locker room talk” are all overheard. Knowing when to step in and stand up for myself and other females is essential to my morality. However, sometimes it upsets the boys. Even though it does, these hard conversations need to be had for them to realize that despite me being “one of the boys,” I am, in fact, a woman. I need to advocate for myself respectably because I will see the boys the next day, no matter what. It is hard to find the balance of what is and isn’t personal, but you will often get a gut feeling and follow it. Rowing on the men’s team has taught me not only to be hot-headed but also to stand up for myself, respectably, when needed.
Boys (won’t) be boys. Rowing is a gentleman’s sport. When the boys have wronged me, or any female, they will own up to it. They are open to feedback and are just as sensitive as myself. These boys have stood up for me without me even knowing it. They always have eyes and ears on me. They always steer me in the right direction, and they have taught me what unconditional love is. No matter what happens, a crashed boat, a missed practice, or even just a bad day, every morning, they show up to practice, cheering me on. I can rely on them for anything. Out of practice, no matter what time or what I need, there is always a boy willing and able to lend a hand. “Boys will be boys” is not valid at all. Having been on this team taught me that, yes, boys will make mistakes. But just because they are boys, they aren’t excused from being held accountable for their actions. They are capable of much more than they are given credit for.
Rowing with a group of guys in some of the critical developmental years of my life has changed so much about me. The essential skills, like setting boundaries, reasoning, and new perspectives, have made me develop into the person I am. In addition, they have taught me how to look past my mistakes. Not only have I learned how to be loved, but I have also learned how to love myself. All in all, the hardships and cold morning wake-ups are worth the empowerment and life skills I have gained throughout the years.