Years ago, I watched the Netflix adaptation of a book called To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han. In this movie, the main character, Lara Jean, writes love letters to the boys she’s fallen in love with over the years. The letters get sent without her knowledge, but she finds love as her world expands.
As a writing major, I find it incredibly hard to write for pleasure outside of my school assignments, but I always seem to be able to write love letters. I have never sent one, nor do I plan to, but these love letters help me to notice people with more compassion and curiosity and are a great avenue for exploring feelings. Here’s how to get started writing a love letter of your own (sending them is optional!).
I personally begin with using a fountain pen and keep my letters in a flowery journal, just to make it a more special ritual. These letters are usually filled with yearning and made-up memories of us together, and they’re hardly ever more than a page. I’ve written a letter to a boy who smiled and said hello to me as we passed on a hike. I’ve written a letter to my best friend after seeing her for the first time in two years. I’ve even written a letter to no one in particular, but just thinking of Oscar Isaac made me feel romantic.
If you’re looking for inspiration in public, notice the small details. Look at the color of the glasses your barista wears, and notice the mannerisms of the people around you. Can you imagine their hands writing you a letter, playing piano, or running through your hair? Use any detail you find meaning in to build your world.
If you’re totally in love and in a relationship, you can do this too. With your partner as inspiration, write them a letter in any style you want. You can write as if you’re a character in Pride and Prejudice. You can write as if something (i.e. society) or someone (i.e. a jilted ex-lover) is keeping you apart. You don’t have to share these letters either! They can inspire you to think of your happiest memories with your partner or draw your attention to a specific thing they do that you really love, which can cultivate a deeper relationship.
For me, the most important part is writing on paper, and holding an image in your mind. Your letter can draw on past experiences, an image from a movie or a television show, or even a song. This can even veer into fanfiction, as there are literally no rules and you can imagine yourself as someone else or a character writing to another.
A key point to this is that ultimately these letters are for you. For you to release any feelings, engage in a creative form, and bring focus to your body and mind as you write about the sensations you’re invoking. These letters can be sad, happy, sappy, and sincere. Releasing your expectations and inhibitions, and especially your judgments create the best atmosphere for having fun and expressing yourself.
Make it a goal this November to write a love letter to anyone of your choosing. If you feel the urge, share it with the person you wrote it to. If not, keep it as a beautiful reminder of the feelings you had at this moment. Have fun, get in touch with your feelings, and enjoy what emerges!