We live in a world with a surging emphasis on external fulfillment, which often means that finding true or intrinsic happiness can be extremely difficult. I want first to define what it means to be intrinsic or extrinsically happy. Extrinsic happiness is something you get through external factors. It is the feeling you get when receiving something material or through someone else’s opinions. Extrinsic factors will likely bring you a momentary sense of satisfaction or joy, but in the long term, you may feel like you are constantly missing something. We often find ourselves in a cycle or chasing after extrinsic happiness that only leaves us wanting something more. Intrinsic happiness, however, is what you get from things like authenticity, gratitude, personal values, passions, and dreams. Intrinsic happiness comes from your sense of purpose in life. When you do something that fulfills your inner self, you become intrinsically satisfied or happy. For example, playing a sport purely because you love it results in intrinsic happiness.
As a girl in my twenties trying my best to navigate the challenges that life has to offer, I notice myself focusing on surface-level things, like money, what other people think of me, the way I look, and more. I know these surface-level things don’t matter to me, and it really started negatively affecting my mood and actions. I had no idea how to look past these things for a long time, but the more I noticed myself obsessing over these things, the more I knew something needed to change. I needed to reflect on what actually made me happy deep down, and I feel like a lot of people would benefit from examining what truly matters to them, too.
I am very aware that figuring these things out is a lot easier said than done, especially when we are constantly bombarded with messages about what success and happiness look like in life, according to society. It’s the constant reminders that happiness and success are money, validation from people on the internet, and big fancy lifestyles. The truth is a successful and fulfilled life looks different for everybody. We shouldn’t let these external factors determine our worth or our joy because, ultimately, it ends with everyone trying to win a race that cannot be won.
As I said above, happiness and success will look different for everybody, but for it to be deep and meaningful, it needs to stem from things that feed your heart and bring you genuine pleasure and satisfaction. It is things like spending time with friends and family, pursuing our passions, and feeling a sense of accomplishment after experiencing personal growth. These are all things that cannot come from anywhere except inside your mind, body and heart.
You may be thinking, is extrinsic happiness so bad? The short answer is no. It is okay to feel joy from material things; I do it all the time. However, these external factors cannot be the only thing you find joy in. Extrinsic happiness does not create a long-term feeling of happiness, and constantly striving for external validation can become exhausting and leave you with a great sense of dissatisfaction. That’s why pursuing things that make you feel intrinsically happy is so important. By focusing on intrinsic happiness, we can escape the shackles of external criticism. Regardless of whether we impress others, we can pursue activities that truly fulfill us. By doing things for the sheer joy of it, we cultivate an authentic sense of self-worth that’s not influenced by others’ opinions.
I know that focusing on finding intrinsic happiness in a world full of extrinsic motivation is more complicated than it seems, but there are ways to get there. I always start by identifying what you value and are passionate about; what matters most to you personally? Once you’ve honed in on these intrinsic drivers, commit to prioritizing them in your daily life. Whether it involves immersing yourself in activities that resonate with your values, pursuing your creativity, or forging meaningful connections with like-minded individuals, make these pursuits a priority. Remind yourself that external validation can never match the fulfillment that arises from aligning your actions with your authentic self. This will ultimately help you find what truly matters to you deep down and will allow you to start acting on it to create a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.
It is a complex process of figuring out what truly matters to you. It forces you to evaluate your life and see if the people and things in it genuinely benefit you. You are the composer of the piece of music that is your life, so finding what makes you happy will be different than someone else’s. These external factors are always going around; it’s a part of life, but when we focus on the things that truly matter to us, we can lead richer, more meaningful lives and set an example for a world in desperate need of a shift in values.