For the majority of my time in university, I have been in a long-distance relationship. There has always been a certain stigma about being in this kind of relationship at my point in life. There are certain ideas about what it means to properly “enjoy” your college experience, many of those include being single and dating. As valuable as those experiences may be, a healthy relationship should not take away from your enjoyment of school or life, it should only be a happy addition.
As my college graduation quickly approaches, I can reflect back on my college experience and wholeheartedly say that my long-distance relationship did not take away or lessen my experience here, in fact, it only made it more fun and exciting.
Maintaining a happy and healthy long-distance relationship comes with its set of challenges, pushing trust and communication to new levels.
Drawing from nearly four years of experience in a long distance relationship, here are some tips that have proven invaluable:
- Always have a new trip planned
Saying goodbye is much easier when you have a plan of when you are going to see each other next, even if it is months away! Having a countdown, and something to look forward to, is much easier than not knowing when you will see each other next.
- Communicate… but extra
When having a conversation on the phone or over text message, all of the normal communication tactics people use when having an in-person conversation (facial expression, body language, eye contact) are removed. In a long-distance relationship, there’s no room to be petty or angry, it’s always way more effective to say how you feel up front, even if it comes less naturally at first!
- Date night, from a distance
Just as you would if you lived in the same city, set aside specific nights to have a date night. Obviously, this might look a little different, but some ideas include having a movie night, playing an online game, eating dinner together, or even just setting aside a few hours to talk uninterrupted. In a long-distance relationship, it’s easy for all of the time that you would normally set aside for your partner to get lost, but making sure you still have that time is vital. This is especially important when both people are busy, or schedules aren’t aligning.
- Be clear about your boundaries!
Everyone in a relationship has different boundaries, especially when you live in a different city, state, province or country. Being clear about the things that might make you uncomfortable from the get-go is the best way to avoid potential conflicts in the future. This can include coming up with small “rules” of things that make each other happy, for example, always calling before you go to bed, etc.
- Focus on the silver linings, enjoy your independence!
Usually being in a long distance relationship is not someone’s first choice, but people decide to do it when they know they want to be together, and the distance is worth it. Knowing that, try to enjoy your time in university and enjoy your independence. Over the course of my university experience, I have grown to love some aspects of this type of relationship, including visits to each other’s schools, more time with friends, focusing on school and forcing myself to be more independent. If your situation isn’t going to change, you may as well make the best out of it!
Long-distance relationships are a testament to the idea that you CAN have both. You can enjoy your education, career, and personal life, and be with the person you love no matter how far apart you are. Communication and honesty go a long way, and if you want to make it work, you can!