“New Year, New Me” is that inspiring yet intimidating saying I’m sure we’ve all heard enough of.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a strong believer that ringing in the new year is an exciting time to reset your mind or set personal goals. But what I can no longer handle is the daunting pressure to change something about myself or become hyper-fixated on adopting a new personality.
In my experience, scrolling through trends on Instagram and TikTok for what “the it girl” or “the healthy era” should look like leaves me making false promises to myself that I think will help me look or act a certain way. In reality, they only hold me back from enjoying the life I have. More times than I can count I have told myself “On Monday I’m going to start doing pilates,” or “As of Monday I am cutting out sweets for a month.” Spoiler alert: this has got me absolutely nowhere.
I often find that this constant cycle of diminishing and negative self-talk leaves me wishing time away because I always hope that in just a few days, weeks, or even months, things will be better. But what happens when that time comes? What happens when I get to that point and things are still the same? Usually, my answers to these questions reflect feelings of disappointment, anger, or frustration but recently I’ve realized that this wishful mentality has done nothing for me but sabotage my self-confidence and self-love. For the past four years, I’ve been controlled by the voice in my head telling me how much better my future self is going to be or what I need to change to be better. But now that voice is gone, and why? Because I said so.
The other day I was sitting with my dad watching T.V when I heard a video he was playing. The voice said, “If you focus on things that you don’t have, then you will never have enough. But if you focus on the things you do have then you will always have enough.” This quote resonated deeply with me and actually motivated me to write this piece. It made me think of how much people in society are driven by achieving something or gaining something they don’t have. To be ambitious is one thing, but to constantly be chasing things you don’t have is another. I see it as a downward cycle in which we constantly base our images or definitions for success on an influencer or trend. Often, neither source is reliable or sustainable and we are then left trying to find or fit into a different one.
Let me paint a different picture.
As the youngest in my family, I’ve always felt (and been told) that my personality matured a lot faster than my age. This is both a blessing and a curse. I embrace this trait because it has proudly gotten me to where and who I am today. At the same time, I regularly feel the need to rush my life. For example, I’ve always looked up to my sisters and family and dreamt of getting to their points in life. When I was in the eighth grade, I could not wait to break out of my elementary school prison and be in high school like my sister. But when I got there, I decided high school wasn’t good enough and I impatiently wanted to go to university and get my life in order. Well, news flash… that reality hit me harder than ever. There I was, finally in freshman year at university, living on my own, being free, being an adult and yet all I wanted was to be back home. My point here is that until now, I never allowed myself to be satisfied with my current self and I’ve taken my happiness for granted one too many times.
So, this is my wake-up call and if you need one I’m hoping you’ll join me. I want you to remember that it is okay, in fact, more than okay to set goals for yourself and work to achieve them. But at the same time, I’m here to remind you that who you are and what you’re doing is enough. You are enough. Thinking about the future can be paired with many mixed emotions and planning for a successful life, career, or family is a powerful feeling. But you are more powerful. You and I do not need to rush anything. We have the control needed to make the most out of our days, embrace who we are and live our best lives.
So, next time you find yourself in a stressful situation or wishing time away just try to take a minute and think about what you are most grateful for. What do you currently have that you take the most pride in? Allow yourself the time to escape from whatever pressure you’re facing at school or at work and take the extra mile on your hot girl walk, enjoy the wine Wednesday with your roommates and facetime your friends, siblings, parents, or grandparents if you feel like it.
Once we learn to take time for ourselves and focus on the things we have, then we can enjoy feelings of accomplishment, pride and happiness in our current selves. I’ve learned that you truly are your biggest critic so ultimately only you have the power to be your biggest fan. That is why this year I’m deciding to follow my own standards, write my own rules and free myself from that negative voice in my head. As a third-year student, I realize that graduation is alarmingly closer than my uncomfortable dorm room in Risley hall, which is why I am making it my top priority to be kind to myself, express gratitude and most importantly savor the now.