As I enter my junior year and become an upperclassman, I’ve been forced to confront this difference myself. The difference between not caring about outcomes and not being stressed out about inconveniences.
Between apathy and truly being calm.
To cruise through life stress-free… In some ways, life demands that of you.
Otherwise, so many unpredictable things happen that you’d be left completely overwhelmed.
I know a year ago that life demanded that resiliency of me. And it can be hard to tell the difference between the emotions that arise from mental health issues, and a period where those emotions take precedence.
These are just my experiences that I’m sharing, no more, no less. A year ago, I was confronted with a family emergency. It was unexpected, as all emergencies tend to be. It was a loss, a passing. Of love and a future and a part of my family.
I was so shocked that I just kept going through the motions. I had a quiz the same day, feeling like I was in a fog. Keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t have time to think.
That’s apathy for me.
Sure, some would argue taking the quiz at all showed I cared. But that was just a distraction. Turning in the quiz and not caring if I went back the next day. Or the next.
But being calm? That’s a whole lot harder of a place to reach. It took maybe a year to be calm without being apathetic. To turn in a quiz, for example, and say that, no matter what happens, I’m still worthy as a person. That I can face anything. That, whatever the result, I’ll remain strong.
So, I guess I’m saying that, if apathy has tones of not caring at all to it, then true calm is something above that.
Resilience.