I’m one of those people that despite my dearest and sincerest wish to be the first female frat boy (JOKES), does not enjoy the Davidson party scene. Who would have guessed loitering in the apartments of people I don’t know, listening to the same tired music and watching what Davidson students call “dancing” isn’t the epitome of “time well spent?” Did I mention the sweat? There’s a lot of it. Walking through there is akin to walking through a misty forest, permeated with the odor of freshman fear and socially anxious body odor. In short–IT’S BAD. (And also seemingly nonexistent now that every court party gets shut down at 11:59 p.m.).  If there was one thing I could tell my freshman self, it would be not to waste her time. So here are 50 things that she could have been doing, instead of standing in the corner hoping that species: Libation B. Fraternitus would condescend to dance with her to the song “Closer.”
1. Go dock hopping on Lake Norman
2. Reenact the entirety of Ulysses shot for shot
3. Make Kombucha in the basement of the Library
4. Alphabetize your sock drawer
5. Dial random number on Payphone, openly weep
6. Call grandma and ask her about the relative pros and cons of soft boiled meat
7. Hide in the Commons bathroom after closing time and just like see what it’s like in there. I feel like it’s creepy but in a safe way? Does anyone else get that?
8. Drive to the nearest 24-hour Harris Teeter’s and count how many boxes of cereal there are.
9. Bake in the New Dorm Kitchen and taunt the drunk residents with your fresh baked goods and then deny them their pleasure.
10. Climb the tree behind commons. Subsequently, incur 50,302 ant bites.Â
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11. Order pizza from Dominos and Fuel, have them arrive at the same time. Make the delivery men eat each other’s pizza. I call this one the “Chaotic good.”
12. Set up a tent in the middle of Chambers lawn. Stargaze and do cute campy stuff as if you’re in an actual forest. But also yell at people to get off “your” lawn. Promptly be removed by Campus Police.
13. Go down to F, but in a Halloween costume and ask why no one else is dressed up. Try to convince all drunk people that it’s Halloween weekend and they missed it.
14. Have a long and meaningful conversation with the dude that runs the “Sausage Buddy” food truck down the hill. I feel like that guy has some crazy stories man.
15. Go to Goodwill and sit on their furniture as if you’re not in a store, but at home. Say “welcome” to anyone who passes by.
16. Surround yourself with the people you love. I mean the food you love. Just eat a lot of food. There you go.
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