So school is back in session, and it’s good to be back at Davidson or exploring the world while studying abroad, but it’s kind of sad that summer is over, right? Everyone does all kinds of different things over the summer to make it memorable. Having your first job, traveling, visiting your best friend’s hometown finally. For me though, what stood out this summer was the massive amount of media about sexual assault that was coming in from every direction – the government, Facebook, local cafés, the boys down the street at UNC, you name it. I think it’s a beautiful thing. But there is something that I think is usually missing from a lot of these discussions: men.
Amongst the hundreds of articles I read about colleges and sexual assault this summer, it wasn’t until a couple of days ago I finally read an article about what men can do to help prevent sexual assault. Most sources say that no more than 10% of men commit sexual assaults, so why aren’t more people trying to speak to the 90% of men to help make this world a safer place for everyone?
I am no expert, but I believe that the current system of teaching women not to get raped teaching men not to rape, isn’t the best solution. If you google “tips for preventing sexual assault” you will get a plethora of lists for how woman can keep themselves safe (stay in groups, don’t drink, etc. Doesn’t sound crazy? Rethink that). It is much harder to find a site geared towards men. Again, not all men are rapists, but I do think there are some important messages that men should hear. People really love lists these days, so here is a list for you – 5 ways men can help prevent sexual assault:
1. Educate themselves about the warning signs of potentially dangerous situations. Despite the fact that most men have not and will not take sexual advantage of women during their lifetimes, many of them are unaware of what sexual assault is and looks like. First, men should understand that rape and sexual assault is not solely limited to strange men with ski masks and weapons overpowering naïve women. There are often warning signs that can alert others to bad situation. These signs include but are not limited to: women’s body language when talking to men (“You raise your shoulders up more, you back up a little bit more, you twist around a little bit more, side to side, trying to look for which way you’re trying to get out”), very drunk women alone with men who seem to be goading them, and men who frequently make degrading comments towards women. Bystanders have immense power to protect others. If more people know what a bad situation looks like – whether it be in a bar, a court party, or even at Harris Teeter – they can help save the day. We all have the power to be superheroes.
2. Going off the education point, I remember freshman year every other second the “1 in 4” statistic was shoved in the girls’ faces all the time. If you haven’t heard it before, the current statistic is that 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or sexual assault by they time they graduate. Now, I don’t play a men’s sport nor am I in a fraternity at Davidson, so this education could already be happening, but it would be great if men’s organizations had informative sessions about preventing rape and sexual assault.
3. Open communication. This may seem rather obvious, but I’m serious. For too long we’ve merely being promoting “no means no.” Don’t get me wrong, no does mean no. But wouldn’t it be a lot easier if “only yes means yes?” This could really clarify what some people insist is such a grey area.
4. Rape jokes. This may seem like a minor thing, but in my opinion, if people – especially men – refrained from using rape jokes (ex. After losing a hard game “Man, -insert team name here- raped us”). This kind of language can be jarring and even trigger painful memories for those around you. Rape and sexual assault is not a joke; therefore, making a joke about it implies that you take the matter lightly. A culture in which rape jokes are frequently made without reprimand, rape victims feel as though their struggle does not matter. It also can be construed to potential rapists that rape is okay. If you don’t think rape is okay, then don’t make rape jokes.
5. Lastly, many people –men and women alike – forget that men can experience rape and sexual assault as well. We need to be more open and supportive of male victims (or survivors). I’ve heard too many – one story is too many, really – about men confiding in their male peers about being assaulted, and their friends brush it off and/or act as if it were impossible. It is possible. Men need to know how to respond to these situations. Care for your fellow brethren.