“So, are you guys a thing?”
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by this question.
If only the “you’re either hooking up or you’re married” college stereotype were true. Everyone’s lives would be so much simpler. No more stressing about if it’s weird and clingy to ask the person you hooked up with two weeks ago to semi-formal. No more spending forty-five minutes analyzing a text because obviously there is a huge difference between “yeah” and “yeah…”—that ellipsis, what does it mean?
And (here’s the big one), no more DTR.
So what’s it really like? Here’s a summary of all the neglected middle-stages between the most casual hookup and full-blown monogamy.
The Booty Call
You’re not surprised to see the occasional late-night “Hey what’s up?” text from this person on the weekend, but that’s where it ends. It’s just sometimes, for fun. You un-ironically Tinder in front of them. You don’t get brunch.
“We’re Hooking Up”
Whatever your definition of hooking up is, that’s what’s going on with this person. Maybe it’ll be romantic someday, but it’s not today. You can end it by not texting them anymore. You might begrudgingly identify with Taylor Swift feeling happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.
“We’re Talking”
Basically the nonsexual equivalent of “we’re hooking up.” This is probably the closest you’ll get to the elusive “it’s a thing” non-answer. Signs include: having your friend read your text convos for insight, wondering how soon is too soon for a winky face, and vehemently denying that anything is going on.
Seeing Each Other
(AKA Casual Dating)
Hooking up: check. Going on dates: check. Actually liking them as a human being even in broad daylight: check. You’ve gotten brunch. I know a lot of people are skittish about the word “dating” but I’m going to go out on a limb and say if these are true, you’re casually dating. If that makes you squeamish, just say you’re seeing each other. Same difference.
“We’re Exclusive”
You’re not hooking up with anyone else (alternatively: you will get in trouble if you hook up with someone else). “We’re exclusive” is usually followed by the fun little qualifier “but we’re not dating.” No one has been able to explain to me how those are different, but it makes people comfortable so, sure, you’re not dating. (I think you might be dating, but what do I know. You do you.)
Actually Dating
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/whatever’s PC and gender-neutral and non-heteronormative. Congrats! You probably had to DTR to get to this point. I bet that was stressful. Glad that’s in the past for you. Anyway, you have a consistent person for dates, cuddling, and whatever comes after that! (I missed that day in health class.) Formal isn’t anxiety-inducing. Enjoy your consistent brunch buddy.
Aaaaand Single
For better or worse, Liz Lemon is your spirit animal. Bask in that. Cherish it.