So we all know those people who have somehow, despite all the intervening years, have yet to outgrow some of the choicest behaviors common to the preteen years. And admittedly, sometimes we slip back into them too. At least I do. Anyway, without further ado I give you some of middle school’s greatest horrible hits:
1. The cold shoulder
“If she doesn’t know what she did then I don’t even want to deal with her” is literally one of the worst sentences on this Earth. Sometimes things will be upsetting to you and the other person will think it was a joke or didn’t realize that they accidentally spent your entire coffee date blathering about themselves even though you were meeting for coffee to talk about your issues. The most common response to this is the ultra-mature “Well, I’m mad at her for being mad at me” and it wastes a ton of time on two people being unbelievably immature instead of judging other immature people together.
Not knowing the difference between gossip and secrets
Okay, I know that we’re all supposed to have outgrown gossiping right now, but sometimes a little harmless swapping of stories is fun. Seriously, though, that hilarious thing your friend did down the hill is gossip; that thing they told you between tears after you left the party but before you went to bed: NOT gossip.
Not pulling your weight in a group project
Seriously. Get. It. Together.
Doing the entire group project by yourself
This usually happens in either two scenarios: 1. You panic and don’t trust anyone to work up to your standards and just do everything and 2. No one does anything and so you let it slide and do it all. In scenario one: I know it’s easy to get stressed out and freak out. Set up a structure, set up contingency plans, create a system where you review each other’s work so you have a forum to make sure things are up to your standards without just redoing everyone’s work at 4 am the night before the project is due. In Scenario 2: One of the things I’m most guilty of is not speaking up because I want everyone to like me. You don’t have to get in good with the popular crowd anymore. Be assertive.
Doing something someone asks you not to do behind their backs
If someone asks you not to do something, and you think it’s a legitimate request worth respecting, honor that and don’t do it. If someone asks something of you that you feel is not fair or appropriate, be upfront about it. Let that person know, nicely, that they’re in the wrong because they should know that they’re being unfair. You deserve to speak your mind and do what is best for you, and they deserve honesty. If you don’t feel like you can tell a person when you disagree with them then that might be a relationship worth reevaluating.
Excluding people for the sake of excluding people
It’s not kindergarten; you don’t have to invite the entire class to your birthday party. But if you invite 19 people from your 20 person class, invite the 20th person.
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