The word toxic is thrown around so much these days, it can be hard to differentiate between someone who is actually toxic and someone who simply challenges your opinion.
If you’ve been accused of being toxic, don’t be quick to dismiss the accuser as a ‘hater’. Your actions can affect people in ways unbeknownst to you. So here are some signs you are the toxic one in your relationships.
You Tend to Dominate Conversations
As humans we can all be selfish and make conversations about ourselves. We can’t but talk about our interests and project our beliefs onto other people. Even when the conversation is about the other person, toxic people find a way to make themselves the main topic again. When someone talks about their pain they feel the need to compare their pain or even claim their pain is more important.
You Do Not Celebrate Other People’s Successes
It’s normal to feel jealousy, how you act on it, however, can be unhealthy. How do you react when someone tells you their good news? Are you quick to dismiss their achievements as insignificant? A good friend congratulates their friend and is enthusiastic about their good news. They don’t constantly need to be the centre of attention.
You Belittle People
Ultimately, how you talk to people matters. It’s one thing to critique an opinion, it’s another to make fun of, demean and insult someone. You believe you’re better than them and they are therefore beneath you, whether it’s snide comments behind their back or publicly shining a light on their faults. This superiority complex is extremely toxic.
You Never Apologise
Everyone is wrong every once in a while. Chances are you’re not the exception to the rule. You would rather refuse to acknowledge an issue, destroy relationships and never see people again instead of apologising. If you can’t remember the last time you said sorry and truly meant it, then that’s part of the problem.
You Are A Taker Not A Giver
If you notice that people are always giving to you, whether it’s their time, money or resources and you never reciprocate, then chances are you are toxic in your relationship. Relationships are a two-way street, they are beneficial when all parties involved are gaining as well as contributing. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with an emotional drain.
You Always Hold A Grudge
Everyone whether toxic or not will get into arguments, how you deal with the aftermath defines a healthy relationship. Non-toxic people know that holding a grudge affects you more than it affects the other person and they don’t want that negativity to have a hold on their life. Toxic people would rather hold onto their anger and let that eat away at them than communicate to resolve the issue.
You Enjoy Controlling Others
It can start with little things like telling someone what to wear, where to go or even what to eat. It also includes manipulating them, whether it’s making them feel bad for things they haven’t done or isolating them so that you are the only one in their lives. If you are the only one making decisions in your relationship then you’re the toxic one.
It can be hard to self-reflect and acknowledge how your behaviour can harm those around you. Taking responsibility for your actions is the first step towards treating people better. The reality is, how you treat people is your responsibility and having something bad happen to you isn’t an excuse to treat people badly.