Many of us have grown up hearing that college is a time of discovery, independence, and unforgettable experiences. But beneath the social events, late-night study sessions, and newfound freedoms lies a reality often overlooked: the pressure to conform to societal expectations—especially when it comes to sex and relationships.
College is where many people start to discover who they truly are. It’s a place to make lifelong friends, build meaningful relationships, and explore personal growth. Surrounded by so many like-minded people, it’s easy to form connections through lectures, clubs, societies, and social gatherings. Yet, every relationship you develop—whether platonic or romantic—comes with its own set of expectations.
If you’ve ever felt pressured in your relationships, this article is here to help you through those moments. We’ll explore practical tips to communicate effectively and set boundaries, whether with classmates, friends, or romantic partners.
First and foremost, understand your own values and principles. Before you can communicate your needs to others, you need to be clear about what they are. Ask yourself:
- Is abstinence important to me?
- Do I need a deeper emotional connection before engaging in physical intimacy?
- Am I in the right headspace to have any kind of relationship right now?
Your values should guide your decisions. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or meeting someone for the first time, prioritising your beliefs is essential for building confidence and mutual respect.
Your safety and wellbeing should always come first. Before engaging in any form of intimacy, ask yourself:
- How well do I know this person?
- Do I feel comfortable and safe in this situation?
Even when you’re with people you trust, if something doesn’t feel right, listen to your instincts and remove yourself. Many pubs and bars in Ireland have safety measures in place—such as asking staff if “Angela” is working or ordering an “angel shot” to discreetly signal that you need help.
Having honest conversations about boundaries is vital but can be tricky. In romantic relationships, setting clear expectations from the beginning is important. Take the time to sit down with your partner and have an open discussion about what you both want and need. This will help you both feel more comfortable and take the pressure off.
With friends, it’s a similar process. College is full of conversations about partying, dating, and hooking up, often shared as jokes or stories. While it’s harmless fun for some, it can feel overwhelming for others. If these conversations make you uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to share your feelings or gently remind your friends of your own values.
At the end of the day, college is where you’ll create unforgettable memories, but it should never come at the cost of your values or wellbeing. Choosing not to have sex is okay. Deciding not to drink is okay. Even spending your weekend indoors recharging is okay. You have every right to live authentically, without feeling pressured by others or by society.
By understanding your values, prioritising your safety, and communicating your boundaries, you can confidently navigate peer pressure and make college a time of growth and discovery on your terms.