Have you ever had that one “friend”, the one everyone thinks you are inseparable with? You’re in all the same pictures, go to all the same parties and hang out in all the same circles? Yet when someone refers to them as your friend you get this funny knot in your stomach and wince a little internally.
The truth is, you just don’t really know if ‘friends’ is the right word. Definitely, you started off as friends, and there’s no one thing that has happened to change that but deep down you know that something isn’t right.
In my experience, while frenemies can be hard to identify they are usually people who are used to having their own way. Often they will be at the centre of their respective social circle and people are drawn to them.
They thrive on the approval and envy of others and their image is everything. This often means that they will compete with those around them to ensure they have the most modern technology, the most stylish clothes and the most likes on Instagram. When you first notice, it will seem petty and insignificant, but soon you will realise that it is actually a form of mental sabotage.
They will go to great lengths to appear better than you in every aspect of life and find a way to turn your success into a negative. Oftentimes they will try to ruin your relationships with other friends or “jokingly” remind you of your mistakes and bad experiences while in a group setting.
All of this is done with the objective of making you feel insecure, because the more reliant you are on them the more power they feel they have.
What makes a frenemy hard to identify is that everything they do is so subtle. I once had an experience while I was getting ready for a night out and this one “friend” told me I looked really nice. This was followed by “that dress just wouldn’t look right on me because I’m so much skinnier than you”. I was dumbfounded. What she said appeared self-deprecating at first, but the underlying criticism was towards me. Yet what could I say? Technically this was meant to be a complement, wasn’t it?
I used to think that I didn’t have any enemies because there was no one I hated or who seemed to hate me. However frenemies don’t hate you, they need you. Without you there is no one to form this popular social circle that creates their perfect image. There is no one for them criticise or humiliate in order to make themselves feel better and they’ve no stories to tell behind your back.
So that’s what you need to remember. No matter how insecure or inadequate a frenemy makes you feel, you hold the power. Once you remove yourself from them and embrace your true friends you’ll find so much more happiness.
Photo by