We all know about the honeymoon stage when you’re blissfully happy and unaware of any faults in your new and exciting relationship. But what happens after that?
Let’s be real, ‘for better or for worse’ is pretty accurate. Especially in a long-term relationship, there are going to be tough times, but there’s also so much to look forward to.
I can guarantee my relationship is not the same as most people’s out there, a cautionary tale of marriage, visas, military service and moving to foreign countries… But, I have a few tips I think would apply to some people out there.
1) Arguing is a normal part of being in a relationship.
It always confuses me a little bit when couples say they don’t argue, it even put me on the verge of doubting my own relationship once or twice.
But disagreeing is natural! Unless by some weird coincidence you and your partner have identical personalities, there’s bound to be topics that you view differently.
In a report by Psychology Today, they say that arguing can help a couple “evolve and grow and help you get to know your partner better”.
It may surprise you but arguing can be healthy. What isn’t healthy is stewing over things you don’t like or disagree on and not being honest with your partner, this can make you bitter and can make the relationship feel more strained than it has to be.
2) It’s okay to feel restless sometimes.
I used to hate myself for my thoughts sometimes. If something goes wrong in your own relationship the easiest defense mechanism is to think about someone else, or how you’d be so much happier in a different relationship.
But sometimes these thoughts can’t be helped, and unless your relationship has gone past the point of no return, you probably won’t act on these feelings or thoughts. So don’t feel bad for them. The mind wanders, and sometimes we can’t help where it goes. But feeling guilty won’t help you or your partner.
According to bustle.com, “Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically blind you, nor does it turn off your sex drive.” Part of being human is being attracted to other humans!
3) Living together can be heaven or hell.
As a relationship becomes more serious or when you’ve been with someone for a long time it’s likely that at one point or another you’ll consider living together. A friend asked me recently what it was like when I first lived with my partner.
For me, it was weird. I was at university at the time and was sharing a house with three other girls, so my partner and I shared my tiny bedroom. I know this probably isn’t ideal for your first time living together, but circumstances aren’t always in your favour. But the insight I got can be translated for a wider audience.
Sharing your personal space with someone continuously instead of having days apart can be pretty tough at first. The common misconception is that it will be idyllic, but to be honest, you’ll probably get frustrated when you can’t get away from each other. Especially if you argue, things can be tense when you don’t have any personal space.
But eventually it’s an amazing experience, being able to come home to someone you love every day, and one day it will be difficult to live without them.
4) Never feel any pressure to settle down.
Long-term relationships aren’t for everyone, they require a lot of time, energy and work. Don’t feel pressured to settle down before you’re ready, whether that means marriage or kids or moving in together. All that matters is you and your partner communicating what you want and accepting each other.
Don’t let others’ perceptions of how your life should be rule your relationship. Maybe your family wants you to get married and have kids, or maybe your friends think it’s time you moved in together. It’s up to you, not them.
But also don’t be afraid of the opposite. Settling down young is a controversial choice, and for financial reasons, it’s not always possible. But if you’ve carefully considered it and you are old enough and wise enough to get married or to take care of a child, don’t let people judge that choice.
5) There will be bad times.
I know in my own relationship there have been times where I’ve wanted to give up, throw in the towel and reconsider all my life choices. But it’s important to recognise what is a serious problem and what can be worked through.
A YouTuber called BubzBeauty once said in a vlog that she’d fallen out of love with her husband several times over the years, but it’s the fact that they stayed together and worked through their problems that they could be a stronger couple. That comment stuck with me for years and was really what I needed to hear so I didn’t end my own relationship irrationally.
6) Don’t be afraid to move on.
I hate to end this article on a sad point but it’s true. No matter how long you spend with someone, how many years of your life you share with them; don’t ever feel trapped. If your relationship comes to an end or you’re ready to move on, don’t be scared.
Change is always frightening and it’s reasonable to be afraid, but finding happiness and health is always more important than trying to preserve something that’s past its best. Moving on is tough but in the long-run, you’ll be happier for it.
Long-term relationships are an amazing concept, being ready to spend your life with another person and letting them in your space both physically and mentally is difficult, but if you find the right person, it can be the most wonderful thing in the world.