My sexuality

For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to both sexes, although it may have taken me a while to discover how. Bisexuality is tricky when you’re growing up, or at least it was for me. As a kid the only sexualities I knew existed were straight or gay, I never even considered the possibility of anything else.  

This proved difficult when discovering my sexuality as when you don’t know something exists it’s very hard to realise that it is what you are. As far back as primary school when you first start to develop crushes, I had these feelings for girls too, although at the time I didn’t know that’s what it was. 

I knew I thought of girls in much the same way as I thought of boys that I had crushes on, but because I liked boys I thought it impossible that I could also like the same sex too. I knew even more so as I progressed into my teenage years. I misplaced these crushes on girls for feelings of jealousy and perhaps maybe just strong friendship I would reason with myself, but I think I knew that wasn’t true. 

My sexuality was a confusing one to come to terms with, when my friends and I would watch iconic tween movies I would find myself gushing over both the male and female leads equally, when everyone was obsessed with Zac Efron, I was too, but equally obsessed with Vanessa Hudgens, I just wasn’t quite sure why for a long time. 

It wasn’t until I was about 16 when some of my straight female friends would mention how attractive they found female celebrities that I thought maybe how I felt was valid, I was a little embarrassed and reluctant to admit I found them attractive too. But soon after I discover the term ‘bisexual’ and immediately knew that was what I was, everything suddenly made so much sense. 

It was still incredibly difficult to tell people, I felt weird and I thought others would think so too. Some friends I told had been very reluctant to believe me ,I had a boyfriend at the time so they dismissed me as confused, attention seeking or somehow straight because I was not with a woman at the time. 

But since discovering the full extent of my sexuality I also discovered that stigmas do unfortunately come attached to it, men I have dated have found my sexual preferences ‘sexy’ Women I have dated have been at times reluctant to date me because they worry I’m just a straight girl looking to try something out. I have been labelled many things because of my sexuality. 

However, my sexuality is not slutty, or sexy or a phase. My sexuality is merely MY sexuality and who I, or anyone else choose to date should not be an issue. I no longer see my sexuality as strange, but I do see the lack of representation of my sexuality and all other sexualities outside of the ‘norm’ that makes people like me feel strange, is. 

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

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