Unfortunately, an inevitable part of negotiating life and relationships is facing breakups. While nobody will negate the impact of personally experiencing a breakup, I would argue that it is also extremely challenging to watch you friend go through this painful process. Much to my chagrin, my best friend had an immensely tough breakup this summer, and I naturally felt compelled to do my best lift her spirits. Based on this experience, I have compiled a list of my top tips to help support your friend through a breakup.
- Keep them busy!! I cannot emphasise enough how important this is. Go on walks, go for coffee or organise days out with your friends. Do anything to keep them from rotting in their room listening to Gracie Abrams, because that (may work for a while) but won’t work forever. Bring them out to do their favourite things if that’s the cinema or the local coffee shop, whatever they enjoy.
- Let them be vulnerable. If they want to cry – let them. If they want to go to a rage room – go with them. Breakups are full of intense, complex emotions, and if they lock them away inside it won’t end well for them … or their ex-partner’s tyres. Be a shoulder to cry on and be there to listen to them. This is where it is really important to show up as a friend.
- Help them laugh and help them to feel uplifted. My top tip for this is a movie night in, and these are some great ones to watch together to have a giggle and forget about their breakup even for an hour. My top three movies to watch with your friend would be: White Chicks, Legally Blonde and The Princess Diaries. These are all feel good movies and are bound to get a giggle. Bonus tip – if your friend is a Swiftie, play the Eras Tour movie and they will go through all their emotions in 3 hours. Trust me.
- Show them that life is so much bigger than smallest person who ever lived!! After they have been through all the stages of mourning the relationship, you need to show them that their life is still worth enjoying, it’s just changed a little bit. This is probably the most important and the most difficult. It feels like their world has collapsed and you need to show them that this is only a tiny portion of their life. Bring them out dancing or to a concert, and if all else fails go to Coppers.
- Be available to them. Healing from a breakup is not linear. While you may think they’re, they could be listing to All Too Well 10-minute version, while crying in the shower. It’s important to check in and to make sure they don’t feel that they’re in any way alone or being a burden. Don’t make them feel that they’re talking about it too much, or that they’re never going to get over it. This is where you step up as a friend and prove to that you’re in for the long haul. If they’re having a bad day, then do something with them and let them vent. Most of the time they won’t be looking for advice just someone to listen to.
These are my top tips to help your friend get over a breakup. Remind them that time heals everything, and that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Please though, I beg of you, don’t let them download Hinge. They’re better than that.