What it Really Means to Check in on Friends

Believe me when I say this – there are cracks in friendships and relationships sometimes, we just chose to ignore these cracks. But all this aside, how do you know when a friend may be struggling?

I think it’s easier to know when someone is struggling when you see them every day, like at school for example. You know they’re just not themselves because the regular ‘Want to gossip or go shopping later on?’ starts to get the response of ‘Meh, not really up for it’. But what happens after school, when college life and work get in the way and the meeting and catching up becomes less and we’re relying on social media to bring us together? How do we help our friends who may be struggling? Here are some tips.

1.    The social media posts.

I have this as a major red flag to spot when your friend is struggling. The constant struggling posts uploaded or the quotes they share can really give you an insight into what is going on with them. Their posting on social media may be a cry out for the attention a friend like you can give. Take a closer look with less judgemental eyes, and see if they need a friend at that time.

2.    Distancing themselves.

No texting, no calls – nothing. Everything is a distant memory. Why is this? Put simply, some people can really open themselves up, while others don’t have to express their feelings or what they’re going through. Look out for this trait and if you haven’t heard from your mate in a while, the friendship could be dead or they could really just be struggling.

3.    They don’t engage in the things they once lived for.

Whether they loved playing and writing music, painting art, sports or reading – they don’t seem to have an interest in this anymore. Why? Usually when friends are struggling, they’re lost and don’t know what direction they are going in. If they’re lost, show them the path ahead because one should never give up on the things they once cared about or their passions.

But what does it really mean to check up on your mates? Honestly, I think the social media life and connections are great. I think we don’t realise what a simple ‘Hey, how are things keeping?’ or ‘How are you, bestie?’ or a ‘What have you being doing my friend, hiding in that cave?’ can do. Just a simple text or call can really make a difference to someone. Someone to vent to really helps. But really, checking up on your mates in person is vital. Go for a coffee or food and discuss genuinely how you both are. Seeing someone in person can tell a lot about how they’re keeping. Checking up on your mates is so important. Really be there for them and they will be there for you. Give them a pep talk like ‘Hello, you’re so great, you got this!’ because really, this life will knock us down a lot, so we don’t need to be doing it to ourselves or others. 

• friends
• friendship
• mental health
• relationships