Have you ever made plans with friends before you realize that maybe you have too much on your plate, that you have overstretched yourself and can’t do it all? Or the fear of socialising sometimes creeps in? Well, that is okay. While it might be a situation we all dread, it is okay to say no to plans or cancel and here’s why!
You are the only person that knows exactly how you’re feeling. We have all been there. It’s mid-semester, assignments are piling up, you’ve just recovered from that cold that has been going around and you don’t have the energy, or time, to go out like you said you would. In that case, you just don’t. True friends will understand and they won’t know how you’re feeling until you tell them. You have to prioritize your well-being. This could be swapping the club for a late-night library sesh. It could be getting a cheeky takeaway and hopping into bed to watch Netflix and just relax. Whatever it is, listen to your body and mind and what they need.
Getting back out after COVID can also be daunting. Even if your friends aren’t all going out for a night on the town, any social activity can cause worry for people. Between the fear of spreading Covid and the idea of socialising after a long time, it can be daunting leaving the house at all! Friends will understand these concerns and should be supportive of how you feel. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and safe meeting friends in current circumstances and if you’re not, your feelings are valid.
Apart from the health fears surrounding Covid times, we also have to remember that it has been FOREVER since things were normal. Ask me before this to go to a nightclub or a fancy dinner and get all dressed up and I would be the first one there! Ask me now and I might hesitate.
Social distancing and quarantine life has made us accustomed to zoom rooms and tracksuit bottoms. The idea of going out and being seen (not just from the waist up) is off-putting for some and it can take a while to be comfortable with this again. While some of us are ready to get back out with friends, others might not be. It is okay to cancel plans and take it slow when you really feel like you need to. We have to be kind to ourselves when readjusting to having our social lives back.
Friends, make sure you respect a person’s choice if they do cancel plans. Making people feel guilty for not coming to things will only hurt a friendship. I cannot count the times I have heard people being called a ‘flake’ for cancelling plans. If you’re disappointed or frustrated that a friend is cancelling, talk to them and show support. Maybe there’s a reason or maybe it is just a bad week and they need time for themselves. Try not to judge friends for cancelling and be patient. Put yourself in their shoes and try your best to understand their reasoning.
For those who do cancel plans, do not feel guilty or bad. It is so important to look after yourself. For my people pleasers out there, you too can cancel plans, you cannot always please everyone but start with yourself and work from there. Explain to your friends, if you are comfortable, why you are cancelling and maybe suggest a time to reschedule. The main message for you is to be in-tune with what you need and go with that.
Balancing life is hard and at the end of the day sometimes we just need that early night. Tiredness, stress, anxieties, worries, busyness, fear, lack of time. These are all valid examples of why we might want to cancel plans with friends. There is so much going on in each person’s life that we cannot understand, but I can guarantee that at least once you have felt the need to cancel plans of some sort. The bottom line is that is completely okay and true friends will be understanding of this. As the Dalai Lama said “If you feel “burnout” setting in … withdraw and restore yourself.”