Friendships Lost and Found

From Childhood to Adulthood

As someone who has had a lot of experiences with friendships that didn’t work out, I can genuinely resonate with all of you who sometimes question yourselves, wondering if you could have done something about it. Friends are those selective people, the “chosen family” with whom we can share anything—our highest and lowest moments, hangouts, jokes, advice, and so much more. But over time, I realized that you will also experience many bittersweet moments that might shatter you—not to a great extent, perhaps, but enough to shape your personality. As we grow up, from kids to teenagers and then to adults, many people become part of our journey. However, not all of them are meant to stay forever. The people you consider friends today might not be the same people in the future. This might sound vague now, but as you read further, you will realize that we have all experienced such moments in life.

“Tumse bhi zyada hongi
Ab yaadein pyaariyan
Hum dono ki hain apni apni lachariyaan
Ab hanste hanste tumpe le khushiyaan vaariyaan

Marz bhi hain deti
Chain bhi hain deti
Dard bhi hain deti
Jaan bhi hain leti
Yaariyaan”

(English translation: The memories would be more lovelier than you,
We both have our own helplessness,
Now, laughingly, I hand you the salvaged happiness.

It bestows ailments, and grants serenity’s veil,

It bears the pangs, even claims lives, oh bonds of camaraderie!)

A lyrical reference from the song “Yaariyaan” of a Bollywood movie “Cocktail” (source)

I have always placed a high value on friendships. I have craved genuine connections, affection, attachment, and all the positive connotations that come with them. It’s been tough to see friends leave suddenly and leave me feeling alone, but I’ve learned that life is like a book, and some people become the chapters. Sometimes those chapters are beautiful, and sometimes they teach us valuable lessons. In the past, I was full of extreme emotions, insecurity, and feelings of worthlessness. As a result, I often chased after the wrong people or kept the company of toxic friends. During my school years, I experienced something called “FOMO” (Fear of Missing Out), which is common at that age. The teenage years are a time of physical and emotional transformation, and we all want to feel validated and impress our peers. You may also be familiar with “Peer Pressure,” which can lead young people to make poor choices, such as smoking, drinking, drug use, and other harmful behaviours.

Today, I am 21 years old, and I can admit that such toxic friendships, where you get on the wrong track and lose your true self, are the biggest problems of today’s generation. I am proud of myself because even though I was excluded most of the time during my school days, just because I wasn’t considered a “Cool Kid,” I did not change myself. I didn’t try to fit into that toxic group where friendships were used just as labels and only showed off during parties, trips, hangouts, etc. I vividly remember how I was body-shamed by many people during my last five years of schooling. I was extremely underconfident, and my academics also suffered. I hated going out, meeting people, wearing certain clothes, and so much more. It’s important to address the issue that the social environment around us has a huge psychological impact on us. But amidst all this, I also realized the true meaning of friendship. I met some amazing people in school, and out of those, there was this girl who was also a “new-admission student” like me, which led to us bonding greatly. I was extremely close to her. During our three years of friendship (from 8th to 10th grade), there was never a day without her. However, after our 10th Board Exams, I found out that she was moving to Chandigarh. I was extremely upset. As time passed, we got introduced to the idea of long-distance friendships. Everything was going fine, but things changed, and some events turned out to be my biggest lessons. That was the first time I faced a series of heartbreaks, betrayal, trust issues, and more. I vividly remember that I usually don’t cry because of someone’s behaviour, but that day, I did. Eventually, I realized it’s okay if people leave suddenly. Maybe not every friendship is meant to last forever.

“Tu jo rootha toh kaun hansega
Tu jo chhoota toh kaun rahega
Tu chup hai toh yeh darr lagta hai
Apna mujhko ko ab kaun kahega

Tu hi wajah
Tere bina bewajah bekar hoon main
Tera yaar hoon main
Tera yaar hoon main”

(English translation: Who will laugh if you get angry? Who will stay if you leave? If you are quiet, then it feels bad. It makes me question who will call me ‘theirs’ now.

You are the reason. Without you, I’m nothing. I am your friend.)

A lyrical reference from a song “Tera Yaar Hoon Main” of a Bollywood movie (source)

I used to scroll through my gallery, checking those old memories where there were smiling faces and innocent stories attached to them. Those WhatsApp groups with names like ‘besties,’ ‘friends forever,’ and whatnot. Now, when I think about it, I find it hilarious. I don’t hold grudges against anyone because I feel that such things are bound to happen. Everybody’s priorities, circumstances, and personalities change. We cannot stay the same forever. Maybe, in many situations, we are also at fault. During my college years, I finally found the true meaning of friendship. I eliminated a lot of toxic and wrong friendships that had recurrent fights, blame games, guilt trips, a wrong conception of friendship, etc. For me, friendship equals mental peace. Many people have come and gone; some I distanced myself from, and others left me. I finally stopped being friends with the wrong people who made me feel bad and guilty for their actions. It wasn’t even my fault, yet I was portrayed as the one at fault. Some even called me toxic and selfish, which left me wondering if I deserved this treatment.

I finally realized, and here I would like to dedicate a song to all my beautiful friends who stayed and never left and are the purest souls: “Abhi naa jaao chorhke, ki dil abhi nhi bhara” (Don’t go now, dear; my heart is not full yet). It’s because I finally understood that the truest kinds of friendships are those where there’s a deep level of understanding, a comfortable zone, friends who are happy about your achievements, no jealousy, no communication gap—only good and positive vibes. I have finally found the real people who were always there for me, gave me space when I needed it, and motivated me to do the right things. They made me realize that you don’t have to be perfect to be with the right people. There are always going to be good and bad phases in friendships. But remember, the right people will stay, no matter what. There is no external pressure, just internal feelings and a soul connection.

You don’t lose real friends, opportunities, or real relationships when you start prioritizing yourself.

You lose abusers, manipulators, narcissists, attention seekers, and mental health destroying leeches.

source

Always choose your company wisely. Spend more time around people who genuinely care, those who lift you up and are committed to your overall growth. The quality of your future, mental health, and overall well-being is defined and influenced by the people around you. In life, the destination doesn’t matter as much as the company you keep. Adulting is difficult, but with the right people, it is much easier. Invest your time and energy in the right things and embrace every moment of your life. Life is too short to hold grudges against or hate anyone. Even if people leave you, take it as an opportunity to reflect on yourself. Don’t be emotionally dependent on anyone. As someone who believes in God, engages in fasting and is particularly a Krishna devotee, I strongly believe in the teachings of the Gita. The whole idea of Krishna-Sudama friendship, that selfless love and devotion towards each other, awakens a positive feeling within me. In my opinion, every person who comes into our life has an intention behind it. God specifically sends some people into our lives just to teach us something beautiful every time. It might hurt you, but in the long term, the things that break you inside will make you a stronger person, and we strive to become better versions of ourselves. I will forever be grateful for all the past friendships I’ve had, even though some had sad endings because I learned a lot from all those people. I know they might still have wrong perceptions about me because I restrained myself from proving anything. Whatever is meant to stay will stay, no matter what. Don’t be harsh on yourself because “Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehena” (People will continue to say something; it’s their habit to do so). Most people aren’t worth your time, so just move on and go with the flow!

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• #friendships
• adult friendships
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