While schadenfreude might be an inevitable sense of malicious joy in someone else’s misadventure, it can be used positively in our favour and probably do more good than harm to us. Here’s how you can navigate through the feeling of schadenfreude and finally stop feeling guilty by bearing the following pointers or approaches in mind:
Do away with social comparisons
If you wish to feel less guilty about deriving joy in others’ misfortunes, you have to stop comparing yourself with anyone. The exercise of social comparison is what sows the seeds for schadenfreude. Comparison is what makes you feel under-confident in the first place but later when the other person faces adversity, you feel confident yet sleazy. It has been rightly said that comparison is the thief of joy and even if you compare yourself with anyone, that temporary re-establishment of your confidence literally does no good in the long run.
If you wish to further read why comparison is a futile exercise and makes no sense, read our other piece on Scrutinizing Our Defective Measuring Scale.
Understand that life is not a zero-sum game
It’s crucial to understand that someone else’s victory or success doesn’t snatch or recede your share of success. That there’s plenty available for you to conquer out there. Stephen R. Covey in his magnum opus titled ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ wonderfully explains the same through the juxtaposition, Abundance Mentality Vs Scarcity Mentality.
If you find yourself caught up in the rat race, it is important to acknowledge the fact that there shall always be millions of people, some behind you and some ahead of you. One cannot really be termed as a winner only if someone else is a loser. How many people will you apparently defeat to recognize yourself being victorious?— Life is not a race, it’s a marathon. Nobody is perfect and everybody’s scratch and finishing lines are different. Everyone’s a winner in their own unique way pertaining to their distinct circumstances.
Practice gratitude
Okay, let’s face it! You may have witnessed your frenemy or any other person who threatens you in some way being thrown into hot water and then deep down you might have heard your inner voice uttering, “Thank God, it’s them and not me!” or at least “Well, they deserved it — One always has to reap what they sow. Thank goodness, I am not in their shoes!”
One way to stop feeling guilty is to make a shift towards feeling empathy for the aggrieved party and thanking your stars for not experiencing such misfortune. In life, it is very easy to criticize people who are in the limelight and derive happiness from their failures. But it’s equally very easy to lose ourselves in the sheer turmoil of the aftermath if anything of that sort dawns upon us. Nobody is perfect, neither you nor them. So, instead of living in a delusion by giving way to temporary gratification, you may consider practising gratitude for not facing the same whenever your competitor goes through an unfortunate event and appreciating him or her for the way they deal with it, thereby rising above the feelings of envy. This brings us to our next pointer as well.
Try replacing the eerie sense of grubby delight with empathy
To be able to imagine how a particular person is feeling and to understand the reason behind what happened or comprehend their consequent action is what is termed as empathy. It is a soft skill that may take quite a lot of years to imbibe into one’s personality.
When you would gradually change your lens and gently suppress the grungy sense of schadenfreude by empathizing with the person in your head, you would finally not feel bad about yourself because you would no longer feel delighted in the mishaps of others. Empathy helps you become grounded as well as accept yourself and appreciate people as they are.
Fix things up by taking inspiration
The first time you sense schadenfreude towards someone, you become self-aware of your feelings towards the concerned person. You get clarity about the kind of relationship you share with them and most probably you become acquainted with the threats that make you feel jealous.
After all, humans have a tendency to focus only on what’s missing. Instead of feeling inadequate constantly, this can very much be taken in a positive stride by working hard towards what’s absent and propelling the quality of healthy sportsmanship in one’s personality.
Thus, it’s important to admit that everyone has their own journey full of varying struggles, highs and lows. So, if you feel the urge to elevate yourself by putting others down or by finding gratification in their setbacks, it’s time now that you perhaps consider beginning to make the best use of that temporary sense of glee (schadenfreude) by taking charge of your thoughts and feelings. Though it might be a little difficult for you to shift the focus of your lens, start by taking baby steps towards getting rid of the guilt. Let schadenfreude lead you to a powerful path of self-growth!