In August 1973, a bank robbery took place in Stockholm, Sweden. In this heist, four employees of the bank were held hostage by the captors for six days. What was peculiar about this incident was that during this time, the victims developed a discordant bond with their detainers. The hostages became so sympathetic towards their captors that they refused to testify against them. On the contrary, they even pooled money to help them. This curious psychological response by the hostages was termed the “Stockholm syndrome.” This infamous syndrome was understood as resulting from the survival instinct of the victims, which made them sympathize with their abusers rather than disdain them.
It is not clear why some people react this way to handle their trauma but a number of instances have been found where the victims become hypervigilant to the needs of their captors, forming a close connection. Though this syndrome was initially linked exclusively to kidnappings and hostage situations, psychologists have now expanded its ambit to include victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships, child abuse, traumatic experiences, etc. Developing feelings of sympathy and love towards one’s abuser have been understood as an unconscious response to the dread of being harmed if done otherwise. This discussion was important to understand the otherwise unacceptable behaviour of some people living in abusive relationships.
Have you ever known a person who was being abused and ill-treated in a relationship but still chose to defend their partner? If you have ever seen a person in such a situation, you must have also observed that most of the time, they are aware of the harm being inflicted on them. They might even cry while telling their experiences but they can’t listen to anything against their partners. This seems even more disturbing when the victims of blackmailing ally with their blackmailers and don’t want to take any action against them. All these responses look bizarre to a spectator but the complexity of emotions that go into the formation of such behavioural patterns are almost beyond the understanding of a person who has not been in a similar situation.
A number of factors might be at work in such a situation. Upon conversing with some people going through the same tornado of emotions, I have identified two of the most common reasons which bind a suffering person to the one who is making her/him suffer:
Firstly, there is a false sense of obligation drawing from the idea of loyalty in a relationship, which prevents the victims from blaming their partners. Secondly, and more importantly, is the fear and apprehension that if they would stop defending their partners, something will go wrong. In the meanwhile, over a period of weeks or months or years, even the small acts of kindness seem to look like efforts of good treatment from the side of the abuser. Thus, the victims develop an even closer bond with their partners as a coping mechanism to survive in extreme situations.
Victims forget to respect their own selves and value their self-worth. They start living in enforced dependence and begin to voluntarily abide by the restrictions set by their aggressors. This not only leads to a long-term impact on the psyche of the sufferers but also gives motivation to the offenders and makes them fearless.
I, for one, am not the perfect person to explain the complexity of feelings going on in a victim’s mind which makes her/him respond this way. What I will attempt is to suggest people to be non-judgmental with the concerned person. This matter obviously doesn’t end here, but we as responsible individuals can at least start to build our knowledge about this issue.