Coming from a family of restrictions, the newfound freedom associated with becoming an adult has always been manifested by me. As I entered college, the transition from a 16-year-old to a 19-year-old occurred quickly and suddenly, I was co-existing with strangers in a metro city like Delhi.
The willingness to live my undergraduate life to the fullest started with attending concerts which, by the way, is now one of my favorite activities to do! Nothing fills me with joy as much as a concert does. Clubbing was surely an extension into the ‘uncharted territory’ which my parents have always shielded me from. Growing up, I frequently observed popular Hollywood and Bollywood movies presenting the ‘fun’ part of adult life through clubbing scenes. Hence, naturally, I foresaw this to be an unskippable part of adult life.
My experience as an early adult in Delhi has been a blend of several experiences, some that I never foresaw coming and some that I was cognizant of. I have never been good with crowded spaces filled with people; mindlessly dancing under dim lights. How is this freedom for any of us? But when the lights dim, it becomes imperative that it is never about the music, it’s about the choice of staying among strangers, unbothered knowing how deadly the outside world is. Women, all their lives have been taught to carry a shadow, a shadow of responsibility which will never leave their side till they die. And it’s amazing to think how clubs become those spaces where women, though an easy target of harm and capitalism, admire the small yet profound ecstasy of exercising their will to move.
A night of clubbing ended with my friend waiting outside the closed metro station at 4 am, looking right above the sky, filled with stars, which itself is a rare sight in Delhi (yes, blame the city’s pollution levels). I had never seen a street this empty because, since childhood, I’ve been always taught that empty streets make you an easy target for demons. As the sun started to rise, the silence was hauntingly deafening but that very moment brought a self-conversation that I’ll always reflect upon – How beautiful could the world be if women could stay outside, and take up spaces that men unapologetically occupy? The taste of freedom is indeed sweet but comes with the responsibility of being self-aware.
As I continue to navigate the complexities of adulthood, I can’t help but think about the layers of meaning attached to every structure in this society. Adulthood comes with a dose of reality where even a night out at a club can be a lesson in admiring the life that many women could never experience.