In the six months that I’ve been in college, I’ve learned a sad but valuable lesson about college dating: don’t get your hopes up. The first guy I got my hopes up for crushed them within a week. No big deal, I thought, there’s plenty of others. The second guy I got my hopes up for crushed them, apologized and got them up again, and then proceeded to crush them a second time. After a long time of feeling liking an idiot for believing the second guy, I’ve surprisingly found someone who seems, dare to say, different. He’s nice, funny, texts me when he says he will, and I really have a lot of fun with him; however, trying to learn from the mistakes I’ve made before, I’m searching for flaws, suppressing every thought that comes into my head about him, and acting like I couldn’t care less (which is a total lie). I feel like I’m walking on thin ice: just waiting for it to crack and for me to fall through. I’m pushing all the things he has done right to the back of my mind and focusing all of my energy on the little things he has done wrong just to keep convincing myself that he will be like all of the rest and that whatever this is, will hit a wall and end.
It’s sad that I’ve become this extremely skeptical person when I used to be so optimistic about what lies ahead. It’s just that feeling of embarrassment when you realize that you spent so much time on something that was never worth it. Why do we do this to ourselves? One bad experience shouldn’t make us believe that everyone who comes into our lives are going to leave. The real question is how do we get rid of that fear?
As of now, I don’t know if my fear of getting hurt and let down will ever completely go away. But I hate the fact that I’m forcing myself to feel nonchalant towards this new someone when I know the truth is that I’m really starting to like him. I like how I feel comfortable so quickly around him. I like how he understands my sarcasm. I like how my friends like him. I like how I don’t constantly worry or wonder what he’s thinking. But even with all of these wonderful things that the last guy never had, I can’t help but think it could be over any day now. I know I’m not alone. More and more college girls are getting let down and discovering that most of the time, they’re going to be hurt.
I think with any hope, there also comes fear. Sometimes the fear can be overwhelming, but maybe as time goes by and things keep getting better with that person you like, the fear will get smaller and smaller. That’s all we can hope for right now: that one day, there will be someone who makes us question why we ever had that fear in the first place.