How Do We Truly Obtain Confidence?

In recent months, I have seen countless Instagram posts and TikToks that essentially state that confidence is the basis of attractiveness. This fascinates me because as a society, we are all taught that attractiveness is based on our appearance or in other words, our genes, which we cannot change. These videos and posts flip that narrative on its head and argue that it is not really looks at all that determine the way we are physically perceived by others; rather, it is our confidence. 

As we all know, once we click on a certain type of video several times or like a certain genre of videos on social media, the algorithm will make it its job to direct us to similar videos. Videos about confidence both in terms of attractiveness but also as an essential life skill started coming up for me on my feed. The reels posted by @emily.the.recruiter on Instagram specifically got my attention. She is a career coach and she helps people prepare for interviews, build their Linkedin profiles, and more, all with her short informative videos. A couple of months ago, she posted a series of videos pertaining to the importance of confidence in the professional world. Her videos were relevant both to students and professionals alike but also to anyone who wants to build their confidence as a means of self love.

In both videos, she lays out tips on how to gain confidence. She states that the years-old cliché “fake it till you make it” actually works: “Faking it until you make it actually works. Seriously. Several studies show that ‘faking feelings’ (aka telling yourself you feel great) can lead to actually feeling great.” She then proceeds to list out steps that we should all take to improve our confidence: 

1) “Every morning, put on a song that makes you feel good and say ten things that you genuinely like about yourself.”

2) “Act before you think. Are you scared to ask that person on a date? Scared to apply for that job? Be scared and do it anyway.”

In the same post, she also lists what we should avoid: 

1) “Stop spending time with people that never have anything positive to say about themselves or you.”

2)  “Stop allowing yourself to speak negatively about who you are and how you look. The next time you catch yourself doing this, distract yourself with something small. Break the habit.”

Her posts made it abundantly clear to me that having confidence is not just something that positively impacts one’s social life or professional life, but that it is one of the most important life skills we can gain as humans. Confidence is a crucial part of self-love and without it, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves. I am going to personally make it a goal to follow Emily’s steps daily and see how my confidence levels increase. I also want to use the “faking it till you make it” phenomenon in other scenarios in life when I am not feeling my best. Tricking ourselves into believing we are happy when we are in a bad mood seems pointless, but according to Emily, it could actually cause a complete shift in our mood.

As women, we constantly, and mostly involuntarily, compare ourselves to others. Be it in terms of physical appearance, mental intelligence, or anything. If we take Emily’s advice and force ourselves to stop comparing, to stop negative self-talk, and to instead fake it till we make it and perform daily affirmations, we will not only gain inner peace and strength, but we will be able to be the best versions of ourselves in all facets of life. 

All quotes are from Emily’s instagram: @emily.the.recruiter

• body image
• body positivity
• confidence
• positivity