How do you know that you’re an adult? Some people would say it’s when you’re living on your own, or paying your own bills. While I don’t deny the importance of those moments, mine came when I decided to let go of a friend.
In my life I have been blessed with faithful friends, my anchors and inspirations. But there are some times naturally that, as you grow up, you drift apart. With others, you have to make that conscious decision to let a friendship go. I have had both happen to me in my life.
This one friend of mine has meant the world to me for a number of years now. When we met, we clicked faster than I could say, “hello, my name is…” You always hear of love at first sight— well, we were friends at first sight. We were inseparable, but as the years went on, what I thought was a rock solid friendship started to crack as it was assaulted by pebbles and boulders. The first pebbles came in the form of distance. We no longer saw each other everyday; she didn’t live right next door. Then those tiny pebbles turned to boulders as mental health issues and an avoidance of deeper, meaningful conversations blew cracks into our friendship’s foundation. Every SnapChat and text message filled with inconsequential things chipped away at it; all her free time was taken up by her new “best friends,” plans always seemed to be made and then cancelled when she “remembered” that she had already made plans with other people. Her life was changing, and she was moving on from me.
The past six months have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days, I was angry that she was my first choice, but I was not hers. Other days, I was depressed that my best friend was drawing away. Later, it became a self-depreciating spiral. Could I have done more? Could I have given more, supported her more, reached out more? Even some days, the questions were more along the lines of, “Do I even have a right to be upset? Am I a terrible friend for wanting to demand more?” I can’t tell you when my feelings changed or when I decided to let her go, but through countless conversations with my mom, my sisters, and other friends, they did. I figured out how to put myself first, to recognize that growing up can mean growing apart.
That was my moment. I decided to let her go, but to cherish any time we could carve out for each other, and stop pouring all my effort and energy into a friendship that meant more to me than to her. There was nothing wrong with our friendship changing and evolving. Part of growing up meant being able to recognize when to let go, how to appreciate things for how they are, and not clinging to what it was before. I decided to put myself first, make that difficult decision, and I am better for it.