The other day I saw the scariest post imaginable. I witnessed a teenager say they wished they were born in 2014 so they could experience its emo culture. Now picture this: 21-year-old me, sitting on the toilet, scrolling through TikTok—a veteran of the 2014 emo phase—seeing THAT. Cue the gray hairs. I’m barely in my 20s, and suddenly, my youth—something I still consider part of myself—is being romanticized.
I think I tried every possible way to forget those dark, dark times. The obsession with My Chemical Romance, being in love with Brendon Urie, squeezing into the skinniest (and I mean SKINNIEST) pair of ripped black jeans. Yeah, I’d rather pretend that never happened. But, to be fair, I wasn’t just emo—I was also a massive nerd. I was horrifically (and still am, if I’m honest) obsessed with Doctor Who (the Tenth Doctor, specifically), Sherlock, Supernatural, Star Trek, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings… basically, anything with a fandom, I was there for it.
Looking back, middle-school-me was adult-me’s worst nightmare. But I have to admit, being an “emo” back then gave me a confidence I wish I had now. I mean, sure, I hated myself and felt like an outcast (because I wanted to be, not that I’d admit it), but I was bold enough to wear whatever I wanted. Usually, that meant a black band T-shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, and my paint-covered black Converse. I rocked the thickest black eyeliner, straightened my hair (which had Kool Aid dyed tips) every day, and was fully committed to the look. Nowadays, I can barely bother to put on pants, let alone straighten my hair or beat my face. Twelve-year-old me? She was crazy for all that.
But, despite the atrocities that come from my 2014 emo phase, I often find myself drifting back to my I’m Not Like Other Girls I’m Different playlist; smiling fondly at the joy it brings me now. I was so young and had to go through so much at such a young age, like most of us do. I was struggling with really big emotions, and took it out in the unhealthiest ways. Yet, despite all the bad, I am proud to look back on my past self because, yeah I got through it. You reached your goal of making it to highschool. You lived to see college. And most importantly, you are living now. I am proud of my past self, and I am living it for her.
So, when you look back at who you were—whether it was last week or a decade ago—I hope you see the strength in yourself. You did those hard things, and you’re still here. I’m proud of past you, no matter what, and I hope you are too.