Everybody has that one friend who got really lucky in high school and dated the hottest person in the entire school. You were jealous when they were dating, and now that they aren’t together anymore, you need to know whether or not it is okay for you to ask that perfect human being out yourself. Only one problem: you don’t want to hurt or insult your friend by asking out their oh-so-enticing ex. Below are 5 guidelines to follow before popping the question or responding to a request yourself in order to avoid ruining a friendship.
- Time
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Before you even think about asking out a friend’s ex you need to consider how long they dated and how long it has been since they broke up. Time heals all wounds, as they say, so you need to make sure your friend has had enough time to fully get over any residual feelings for their ex before you swoop in and seduce their ex into being your new boo. A good principle for deciding whether enough time has passed is considering how long the friend and the ex dated. I suggest waiting a year minimum and that’s with the maximum “friend dating ex” period being only around 3 weeks or less. I suggest 2-3 years for a few months of dating and between 5-10 years if they dated for longer than a year.
- Amount of Contact
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Along with considering how long they dated, it is best to take into account how much they have seen each other since they broke up. Seeing the person you once dated can stir up any bad feelings that you might still have for your ex. This means that if your friend sees that person on a daily basis and has to constantly interact with them, their feelings will take longer to dissipate. Keep this in mind when considering the time factor.
- The Break-er
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Who broke up with who? Was it your friend or their ex? This is a very big question and one you should not take lightly. If your friend was the one who broke up with the ex, then there is a better chance that they won’t be upset with you for asking out their ex. If it was the other way around, I would be very careful about even thinking about asking out their ex.
- Reason for Breakup
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I would hope that if you are planning on asking this human out that you don’t have evidence that they suck. But some people seem to forget this rule, even when asking out literally anyone. My suggestion: If they cheated on your friend, they are going to cheat on you, too. Move on to someone who deserves you.
- Permission
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Finally, and most importantly, make sure you talk to your friend about it. A friend, a good one, is more important than any love interest when it comes down to it. If your friend is not cool with you asking out their ex, then don’t. As everyone knows, bros before hoes and sisters before misters and whatever the gender neutral of that would be.
And that’s it. You should have everything you need to decide if that handsome, gorgeous human your friend once dated could possibly be yours. I wish you good luck and hope you and the ex last longer than they did with your friend.