How to With Sass…. How to Recover From A Breakup

In the spirit of Adele’s hit jam, “Someone Like You,” we know that “sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”  In instances of the latter, here is how to cope with heartbreak. Grab a big spoon and a bottomless tub of chocolate ice cream… you’re in for a real treat.

How To… Recover From a Breakup:

1. Host a pity party for yourself. Ben and Jerry, as well as the 31 different flavors of Baskin Robin’s, are a girl’s best friends during this time.  Buy lots of Puffs with lotion, no one likes a dry nose.  Watch the Notebook on repeat, with Sex & the City episodes in between.  
2. Two words: revenge bod.  Make him regret what he gave up.  Once the spoon has scraped the last of the ice cream out of the carton, it’s time to get out of those sweat pants.  And while you’re at it, take a shower for the first time in a week.  Hit the gym, not once, not twice, but three times a day.  Listen to Kanye’s “Workout Plan” for inspiration.  
3. Go for his friends.  Revenge is sweet. Nothing is better than the satisfaction of catching your ex’s eye while you and his best friend are locking lips.  Don’t by any means date them or let them become a repeat offender…you’re better than that.
4. Block them on Facebook.  Twitter as well.  Oh yeah, and don’t forget to delete their number.  You may run into some problems if you’ve got those digits memorized.  Facebook stalking him and his new girl will by no means ease your pain.
5. Boycott his place of residence.  Your friends will have your back on this as well.  The Greek house on campus where you used to spend quite a bit of your time, including your bed away from home, you now need to avoid like the plague.  Nothing is more upsetting than seeing your ex holding hands with another blonde broad.  
6. Create a break-up playlist.  It’s fine at first to put on some jams about loss and hurt, but after your sulking has ended, it’s time to change it up; girl power all the way.  Some recommendations we have include: Carrie Underwood “Before he Cheats”, Kelly Clarkson “Since you been Gone”, Bruno Mars “Grenade”, Kid Cudi “Erase Me”, Michelle Branch “Are you happy Now?”, Celine Dion “All by Myself”, Sean Kingston “Letting Go”, Jason Derulo “Riding Solo”, and every Taylor Swift song ever composed.