Even though the metropolis of Greencastle may not have a cornucopia of mouthwatering dining options, the Freshman 15 is still possible to attain (even as a senior). At 11:59 PM, the Den’s sampler platter can be irresistible, and on a crisp, fall day, Dairy Castle’s sensuous Pumpkin ice cream is simply tantalizing. These are two things that are terrific to indulge in…but in doses. No one thinks it’s funny to look like a Thanksgiving Butterball on the third Thursday in November.
Here’s how to spice up your workout:
Tip 1: Boulder runs. If the sweaty stench and Arizona dry heat of the Lily Center is just not cutting it for you, take your runs outside. We don’t recommend that you strip down to your skivvies in broad daylight, but if that is your forte, hide-yo-kids-hide-yo-wives from Public Safety. Maybe become friends with Sigma Chi’s and ask if you can run some sprints from their house.
Calories burned: Debatable upon your speed, but generally 2 Natty Lights.
Tip 2: Multitask in the Lily Center. Have you ever noticed that even though there is nothing to look at in front of you while running on the six treadmills for over two thousand students, there is something to look at behind you? The reflection of the male species is not a bad incentive to get you on those treadmills. The best part is that they have no idea that you’re creepin’. And let’s not forget to go at the 4 o’clock rush, when all of the frat stars walk around for 20 minutes and pretend to do two reps. This is prime creepin’ time. Even though you may stand in line for a treadmill longer than you are on it, it is well worth the wait.
Calories burned: 500. Total time spent: 5 hrs… Finding the DePauw hunk of your dreams: Priceless.
Tip 3: Indian run to class. Grab a group of fellow sorostitutes who happen to have class at the same time as you. Chug your coffee to get your heart rate prematurely pumping and form a straight line. You may get some weird looks from on-lookers and freshman, but in the words of Brit, Lady Sovereign, “love me or hate me, it’s still an obsession”.
Calories burned: One Mac bite.
Tip 4: Dance on tables. Who doesn’t like to get low like Lil’ Jon on the weekends? Sure, our campus may not be into dancing, but don’t be ashamed to be that one girl on the table in the center of the room at 3AM, who everyone wants to go home. While doing so, don’t be afraid to sweat a little bit and throw on a backwards hat, while you’re at it. Use the nearest bottle as your microphone and you’ll not only be burning calories, but you’ll have all eyes on you. Just make sure that Scarlet doesn’t take a tumble.
Calories burned: This is all up to you, depending on how low you can go.
Tip 5: Date a DU. No matter where you are on campus, you will always have the longest walk to get to DU. Crossing 231 is a challenge in itself, not to mention if it’s winter and there’s snow and ice obstructing your path. If you don’t know how to get there, no worries, the search for it will only add to your total calories burned. Just be sure to look both ways and not stop for a snack on your way.
Calories burned: the weight of your big toe.