When abusive relationships are shown in the media, especially movies or television, we usually focus on physical abuse. This type of abuse leaves the victim physically harmed and afraid for their life. However, abusive relationships can exist without the abuser ever physically hurting the victim. Emotional abuse is a very real form of abuse in which the perpetrator uses verbal and emotional tactics to control their partner.
Since there is never actually any physical violence, the victim doesn’t always recognize that the relationship is abusive and the way they are being treated is not okay. It can be hard to realize there is something wrong with your relationship, especially when an abuser is able to convince you that they love you, has crushed your self-esteem, and has gotten control over you and your life. There are certain red flags to look for that could potentially mean your relationship is emotionally abusive:
1. Your partner calls you derogatory names or constantly criticizes you.
2. Your partner doesn’t trust or respect you.
3. Your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family.
4. Your partner convinces you to quit activities that you enjoy.
5. Your partner snoops through your phone and social media accounts.
6. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner.
7. Your partner becomes angry with you for no reason.
8. You feel that you are the only one who puts effort into the relationship.
9. Your partner makes you feel as though everything’s your fault and gaslights you.
10. You feel like your partner embarrasses you by constantly pointing out your flaws.
11. Your partner criticizes the things you want to do and your ability to do them.
12. Your partner controls your money and keeps track of your spending.
13. Your partner controls the way you dress and look when you go out in public.
14. You’re not allowed to have friends that your partner thinks you’re sexually interested in or are interested in you.
15. Your partner cheats on you to hurt you.
16. Your partner withholds affection to punish you.
17. Your partner manipulates you into doing something or feeling a certain way.
18. Your partner threatens to harm his/herself if you try to leave them.
19. You’re afraid of your partner.
20. Your partner threatens you with physical harm.
21. Your partner gets physically violent with you.
22. You are forced to engage in sexual activities that you are not willing to do.
23. Your partner coerces you into doing drugs or drinking alcohol when you don’t want to.
24. Your partner tells you that you’ll never find anybody who will love you like they do.
If you recognize any of these signals, you might be in a relationship that is hurting you.
WHAT TO DO: It can be hard to recognize when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, and it can be even harder to say it aloud once you start recognizing the signs. It seems impossible to escape, but just know that there is a way out. You should seek help from anybody around you: a friend, an RA, a family member, a counselor, or anyone else you trust. You are not alone. Being able to talk to someone about your problem will help you in case you have to report your partner.
If you find that the verbal/psychological abuse is becoming physical, you should report your partner. If your physical and emotional health is at risk, you should to let someone with authority know about it. There are several places you can go and hotlines you can call to report the person who is harming you and to receive the appropriate help. Some of these include:
- Domestic violence hotline: http://www.thehotline.org or 1-800-799-SAFE
- The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: https://rainn.org / 1-800-656-HOPE
- Drexel Peer Counseling Hotline (for non-Drexel students, look into resources at your own university): 215-895-1523
However, if there is a serious, immediate threat, and your partner is threatening to hurt you or his/herself, call 911 or go to the closest police station to get help as soon as possible.
Sources on emotional abuse:
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