Being yourself means trusting yourself and CHOOSING yourself.
I’ve become better at that lately. I’m so proud of myself because I’m finding ways to stick up for myself when I feel I am being mistreated. I want to emphasize the next sentence here:
Sometimes choosing myself means CHOOSING not to be around people who make it hard to be comfortable in my own skin.
I’ve found that there are a few types of personalities, that at this point in my “self-confidence journey”, I actively have to avoid. I’ve come to understand that I am easily over run by personalities that push. Personalities that have to crawl on top of other people to feel stable. Personalities that push things ON you and mentally/emotionally/verbally push YOU. I can recognize that I am not yet strong enough to verbally stand up for myself in those moments that I am being pushed. BUT what is cool —> is that I can now recognize better WHEN I am getting pushed. That is a huge lesson for me. It is in those moments where I get to choose myself and stick up for myself in different ways.
In those moments I get to actively decide that those personalities are not worth my time. I get to CHOOSE myself by choosing to calmly remove myself from those people and moments … to gain peace in my mind. To stick up for myself. I have power to leave. I have the power to not entertain such scenarios. I have the power to choose MYSELF.
Here are a few things to try in order to identify a tough personality for your current self:
- Are you feeling locked up in your voice?
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Take note if you feel like you don’t know what to say … or if you feel you are having to be oddly careful about your words. Are you spinning through your words in your head first to make sure you say the right thing? Maybe you can’t figure out what it is you want to say at all. Everything feels locked up … like it won’t move. Your brain is stuck.
- When you see the person coming, do you get anxious about the interaction?
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Are you planning on how to correctly make eye contact? Are you all the sudden aware of your clothes, the way you are holding your hands, all that you are doing? Are you feeling overwhelmingly self-conscious?
- Do you catch yourself thinking about comebacks for fake scenarios with this person?
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I’ve done this TOO many times with the people that make me feel “not myself”. I’ll catch myself in the middle of a made up scenario in my head… thinking of how I would handle this person if I saw them in the street and they said x,y,z to me. OR if I would see them in the hall of the building I am working in. When I catch myself in those moments I feel FRUSTRATED. I am annoyed that the person has been taking up all this space in my head … and they probably would NOT CARE if they knew a pretend version of them was in my head for the past 15 minutes making sly verbal jabs at me. I get angry that they, WITHOUT meaning to, are still taking up time. They have a power over me when they aren’t even physically around me.
If you are experiencing any of these things, it might be worth taking a deeper look. Do you have to be around this person as often as you currently are around them? Is there a way to see them less frequently until you learn more about yourself and heal/grow yourself?
If you DO have to see them frequently, is there a way you can minimize your interaction with them? If you see them in the hall, don’t feel obligated to ask how they are. Don’t start a conversation and show them you care. Just say hello. If they ask you how you are, answer shortly, and move on, don’t feel the need to reciprocate the conversation. Just move forward. Be kind, but don’t feel as though you have to go beyond being just polite.
You are able to start CHOOSING yourself in these moments. You are not being mean if you don’t bend over backwards for everyone in your life. You are not being mean. You are being KIND to YOURSELF.
FRIEND, you are CHOOSING YOURSELF. And there is so much beauty in that.
I’ll repeat this one more time because I need to hear it again:
Sometimes choosing myself means CHOOSING not to be around people who make it hard to be comfortable in my own skin.
Power to your strong self, friend!
XOXO — Paris