(Earlier this year, the Dating Duchess wrote a fantastic piece about the myths & facts of Duke’s hookup culture. You should definitely read it here)
Duke is famous for a lot of things: our world-renown research facilities, our Division I athletics and athletes, our high-achieving students and famous alumni, and our hookup culture (shout-out to Karen O). Just as the first three items on this list are not entirely unique to Duke, so is the last. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that we’re living in a hookup generation.
The main reason behind this new shift can be partly attributed to the sexual revolution (hurray for contraceptives and social change), but also just to the busyness of modern life. Especially in groups of high achieving individuals, individuals’ pursuit of personal goals can leave little time to invest in committed relationships.
While the warm southern weather and hospitality were definitely deciding factors for me to become a Blue Devil, there is no denying that even in this idyllic gothic wonderland things aren’t always perfect. Pretty much everyone at Duke is very ambitious and driven—many people here were even the valedictorian/salutatorian/class president, etc. (In short, Dukies love to run sh-t.) Competition can subtly sneak in even amongst the best of friends. Breaking the curve on your Econ 51 exam and having a professor know you on a first-name basis in a lecture hall usually elicits pride rather than fear or shame. On top of all this academic pressure, don’t forget about social status- despite what any administrator tries to tell you, Dukies care about social image. Saturday night is a time to “see and be seen.” Go to the gym at any time of the day and you’ll be sure to find beautiful, smart, skinny girls desperate to lose that one extra pound. Greeks frequent the library just as often as GDIs do, and social media is often an outlet for well-disguised bragging. On top of all this, you better be involved in something extracurricular to show law/business/med schools that you are passionate, driven, organized, and oh so mature.
To this point, healthy relationships take work, dedication, and time. To some go-getters, the idea of a time-consuming committed relationship actually brings on stress rather than happiness. Hooking up, on the other hand, is simple, fast, and generally easy in an environment where almost everyone seems to feel the same way about relationships. There is no pressure to see the other person anytime soon, much less do couple-ish things such as brunch or movie nights.
On the other hand, this behavior also leaves little to no room to get to know individuals intimately, on a level beyond the physical. In the long run, this can be very emotionally taxing. With self-esteem tied closely to the amount of attractive boys that talk to you at a party or Shooters, you can lose confidence and respect for yourself. Also, sex becomes cheap when you have too much of it sans emotions. While getting to know someone else physically can help you know yourself better, too much of that can make you lose sight of who you are and what you value. Seriously. Not every person you become physical with may be an intimate partner, but the time you spend together is definitely going to leave its mark on you one way or another. And don’t forget: it becomes easier to lose sight of what emotions are required in healthy relationships with each meaningless screw.
That being said, everyone handles emotions demands differently. Although it’s usually easier for guys to separate sex from feelings, if you are able to separate the physical from the emotional easily, then the hookup culture probably tailors to your needs. As in all things in life—be selective. You are who you choose to be with, and while everyone at Duke is awesome in their own way, try to find people who don’t diminish your self-esteem every time you interact with them.